A question I have been asking myself for most of the last 7 months is where have I been?  I am not talking about my physical location but my mental place in this world.  I haven’t posted here in nearly 7 months and many excuses can be made for that.  School has taken a majority of my waking hours while I not at work which has contributed to my missing all these months on my blog.  Laziness, indifference as well as no longer wanting to lay my life out there for others to criticize and view for fear of letting others down like I have done for a majority of my life.  But after thinking about these writings I have done, I realized that it might have been the very writings that, in the past kept me on the straight and narrow path that held me to my goals.  I got to think about how much I actually missed blogging and I felt it was time to get back to doing what I enjoy doing regardless if I dont have the time needed to devote to this blog.  I will just need to find time to do these things that were making a difference in my life and blogging here is one of those things.  I am pretty sure I have lost all of the readers who checked in here from time to time but thats fine with me.  I started this blog for myself as a way to keep a record of where I came from and I never thought anyone would care enough to read the mindless words that spilled out of my mouth like fast food crumbs used to fall from my shirt!  I really dont mind others reading my thoughts but I am sure most will not check back in here to see what I am up to.  So for me and anyone else who cares to read….and update!!

The last 7 months have been a challenge to do what is right in regards to my weight.  I will not say I have been good and eaten only what I am supposed to do.  I guess if that was the case I would never have stopped blogging and let everyone know how well I was doing.  Since I am now a full time college student as well as a full time employee it has been a challenge to eat right while driving between school and work.  While it is easier to stop at McDonalds and order a chicken sandwich (no fries or anything else nasty like that) and drive on down the road, it is not the best option.  While these 7 months have gone by fast and I am sad to say I have stopped at the drive up window to more fast food restaurants than I care to mention I have been doing somewhat decent with my weight…….well kinda.  I jumped on the scale 4 weeks ago after not being on one since December and found out that I had only gained 6 pounds.  Yes!! I know!!  6 pounds is not good but to be honest I thought I had gained back at least 15 or 20.  The nice thing is I had a chance to jump back on the scale a week later and found that I had lost 1 pound already.  So have I been back on the scale since??? No..but am hoping to make a visit to the doctor this weekend so we will see.

I also had a chance to get a physical a few weeks back and this included a complete blood work up.  With the exception of being a fat guy I never really had any serious issues with my health and that includes cholesterol etc.  When I started this weight loss journey my cholesterol was nearing 200 which is the mark where the doctors start telling you  that the cholesterol is too high.  I am happy to report that in the past yeah my cholesterol has actually dropped 30 points to 164.  The doctor as well as my wife were amazed that despite the track that I got off of , my important numbers like cholesterol and sugars etc are actually very very normal.  Now couple this great news with the fact that I did not pack on a huge amount of weight has really made me feel better about myself and I now know I didnt do damage to my health like I thought I did.

So where does that take me now??  Wel I will never make great predictions about weight loss in 60 days or anything else like that again.  I have to just get back to sensible eating and avoid the crap foods I feel have been creaping back into my life.  Yeay yeay I know…same ole story different day.  I Know! I agree! this is the fight I always fight and I guess it will never go away.  But at this point I need to jump back into the fray and battle my way to being non-fat!!

One a side note my wife also went to the doctor and she had the opposite results in her blood work. everything was high and the doctor has wanted to put her on more meds to control her cholesterol and blood pressure.  That actually kicked her in the butt and she has now been walking 45 -60 minutes, 5 days a week for nearly 6 weeks now.  There is no doubt she lost weight and she is now energized to keep losing more weight.  I am getting jeolous of her so I guess I need to get moving and battle here for the record of most weight loss in our family!!

So that is pretty much the update.  I will be checking in here at least weekly to update this blog on where I am at (and my wife too!! I am so proud of her!!)

Thanks for reading…see ya soon

Well we have finally hit spring time….even if the thermometer does not reflect this fact!  Either way we are heading into the weekend where it should be nice and in the 50’s which is good walking weather.  I need to get myself a new pair of shoes as the ones I have now are worn out and then I plan on doing some walking this weekend.  Of course I have a huge amount of homework that is due by Tuesday but while the sun is shining I want to get some walking in.

Not much else happening in our world. Just looking forward to the beginning of spring time and the start of baseball season that is just a few short weeks away.

Sping is a time where living things spring from the ground and we all emerge from our winter hideouts.  Its a time when we look back to the hard winter we have just emerged from and look forward to the fun times that are expected to be ahead for us as we enjoy the summer sun and Gods blessings.  After a period of time off from this blog I feel its time to start it back up again start to record my thoughts and hopes once again.  

I promise to provide no excuses for the last 2+ months and my lack of doing anything about my weight.  Besides school being unbelieveable hectic and the fact that I just could not go outside to do anything I really dont have any more excuses so I will not even try to make some up.  The only thing I can do now is to fall on my sword, admit my mistakes and go forward with my mission.  So that is what I am doing today on this blog, admitting mistakes and realizing that I can screw up but that screw up should not ruin all the good things I have done so far.  So in the interest of moving forward…here goes.

The 60 in 60 experiemnet was stupid!  Knowing myself as well as I do pressure to perform like that was not a motivating factor but pressure I could literally feel.  When under pressure I have always turned to food to help me through and although I didnt eat like a sow and gain a huge pile of weight I crumbled under the pressure and hid from the world.  I have gotten back into some bad habits but not so deep into them that I cannot reverse them.  Some good things are that I still have not had any soda since my surgery date and french fries are not things I even crave anymore.  I still take turkey sandwiches to work and dont eat incredibly bad stuff while at work.  I have tended to eat crap while at home but thats only because nobody has wanted to actually make meals so that is something I have to reverse.  I have to focus on the good things I have continued to do and realize that I have not really done all that bad.  I am in a far better place than I was last year at this time and it will only get better!

Now that it is getting nicer I can resume walking outside now.  I have been walking inside at work but that has become so old and boring that the last few weeks I have almost stopped the afternoon walks.  Today I have resumed these walks but I know in a week or 2 I will be able to be outside and enjoythe great weather on my lunch hour instead of watching white walls go by.

I am so looking forward to so many things this summer.  Things such as walks by the lake, Picnics with my wife and ballgames and concerts.  I was able tolose a good amount of weight last summer and fall and that is what I intend to do again this coming summer.  I will not set a goal weight for the end of summer but will definitly work to drop as many pounds as I can. 

As to the weigh ins and other stuff to keep me honest. I will resume my weigh ins in 2 weeks as the next 2 Saturdays I will be at school and unable to get to the doctors office.  In 2 weeks….April 11th I will report where I am with the weight and take an actual picture of it as I promised before.  Its time to get back into action and there is no better time than now to get it started!

Its been a month since my last post.   Yeah a whole month….so what happened?Many things happened, life, discouragement, school, discouragement,school all sorts of things. 

I have been pretty discouraged since my last post and to be honest I have been struggling with many things.  Once again I find myself sitting here trying to decide what happened and trying to figure out what my next steps are.  I havnt been on the scale in awhile mainly because the only day I can weigh in is Saturday and 3 of the last 5 Saturdays have found me in school.  2 other Saturdays we had things going on so there was no way I was going to be able to get in there and find out where I am at.

I have also been stressed about school as this is a pretty intense class schedule that requires many many hours of work outside the classroom.  And since it is a writing course that I am currently taking I definitly have not felt like coming in here and writing after I have spent a good majority of the last 4 weeks doing nothing but writing for my class.  Some will say these are excuses but I know they are not.  I know I am fried out between school, work and the huge drive I have everyday.  We have also volunteered to be board members for a local non profit place which is taking up alot of time as well.  Things seems to be getting better but I am still fried out and would really welcome some serios down time but I just dont think that is going to happen.

So getting back to the weight loss issue I need to get the band filled with more saline.  I should have done this at least 3 times now since the last fill and I just have not had the money to be able to pay for it.  I have set aside some money for this procedure and have an appointment for the middle of march to get this done.  This will help eliminate more food from being consumed and help me with my weight loss.

Sharon and I have also talked about joining a gym near our place and even though it is expensive we feel we will need to somehow make a sacrafice and just do it.  We dont have any extra money but we will have to find a way to make it work. 

Other than that not much going on.  Its finally almost spring here and although we have a temperature of only 10 degrees outside today I know spring is close which will really help me get back into the weight loss program.

Ok I guess today is the day i totally drove off the road… well not totally but I have not started the day off all that well.

Since I stayed at my moms last night I didnt have many options for breakfast.  I did prepare myself and brought a can of soup and some things to work the day before so  would have a good lunch but I forgot about breakfast.  Mom does not really have breakfast food in her house and to be honest. after I took a huge swig of milk at Thanksgiving only to have to spit it out because it was out dated and tasted like vinegar, I have no faith in whats in her cabinets.  So on the way to work I was going to get a bagel w/ cream cheese or something else but they all seemed to be high in fat and calories.  I so screw it and stopped at McDonalds and got one sausage biscuit with no egg or cheese and that was my breakfast.  Its a terrible way to start the day but I used to get 2 of these sandwiches as well as a hash browns so compared to how i used to be its not bad but still not a good thing.  so here is todays eating:

breakfast: Sausage biscuit with no egg or cheese

Lunch:  progresso  “chicken pot pie” soup.  with some pretzels to snack on

Tuesday February 3 brings another day of school and no going home tonight.  Since the school is so far from home and I get out at 10 pm I will be staying at my mothers who is much closer to school than my home is.  I hate staying overnight at her house because I miss being home and also miss my wife.  If I would go home after class I literally would have to go to bed right away as it will be about 11:30 at night and then get up 6 hours later to go to work.  So it makes sense to stay at my moms and not waste the gs going home. 

So fir todays eating:

breakfast:  Rice krispies and 2% milk…160 calories

Lunch:  Small salad with mixed greens and ranch dressing. (again dipped not poured)

Half turkey sandwich with mustard and no cheese

Lite yogurt for something sweet after lunch 100 calories

Snack:  Pretzels for munching!

Dinner

Since I was going to school I packed a peanut butter sandwich and some pretzels to eat.

After school at 10.30 I was pretty hungry and stopped for a mcchicken sandwich at McDonalds.  No fries or anything just a sandwhich which really blew my day in terms of calories.  There were no other healthier choices available to me as I only had a few bucks on me .

Ok, Its a new day, a new month and the Super Bowl is now over.  Although I would have loved to see the Cardinals win it was still a great weekend as I got to spend alot of time with my wife while relaxing. 

Since it is now February 2nd I need to get back in the swing of things in terms of documenting what I am eating and really staying very close to the new eating I have been struggling with.  We actually went shopping over the weekend and purchased food that was good for us allowing us to jump into the spring weight loss season with both feet.  Atthis time I just dont think I am going to make my goal of 60 in 60 but any weight loss is a huge success and very much welcomed.  I have started again my walking after taking a week off because of my knee just killing me.  So I am now back to walking and plan on doing some exercises tonight when I get home.  Then its off to homework after that!!

 So to start the new month off here is my intake for the day

Breakfast

1 small bowl of rice krispes ceral with 2% milk….about 190 calories

Lunch

Small side salad made with “spring mix” lettuce and dipped (not pured over) ceasar dressing.  Not quite sure of the calories but the dressing was not bad and since I dipped it and not poured it over the salad that had to be good right!!

Half turkey sandwich with 1 slice bread and mustard on it.

Light low fat yogurt  100 calories

Snack

Munching on some pretzels which are about 95 calories per serving.  I brought with me one serving today.

And for the 2 hour drive home I brought a chex mix bar that has 140 calories and zero grams of saturated fat.  That should satisfy me until I get home

Dinner: Small baked potato with low cal butter and sour cream.  a small sprinkle of shredded cheddar cheese topped this one off. 

Small chicken breast

1 serving of corn

No, Contrary to rumors I have not been avoiding my blog and hiding out at the local Dunkin Donuts and gorging on all the filled long johns. 

 As mentioned previously I started school again and this time  I am attending a real university and not at the local junior college.  To say I have underestimated my work load from school would be a huge understatement.  I have found that the school work that has been assigned to me has been a unbelieveable amount and it continues.  Not that the work was hard or challenging but the sheer amount of work assigned has been very hard to keep up with.  I leave the house at 7 am and return around 7.30 at night with 3-4 hours of cummuting time. If its snowing, which it has been known to do in Wisconsin you can usually add 1-2 hours to that commute. The time that is eaten up in a normal work week for work and commuting does not leave time for much of anything else let alone school.  I find myself getting home at nght and eating dinner and working on school work until I go to bed.   If you could see me at my desk during my work day you will find me with a textbook open and in between calls I am frantically doing my homework trying to keep up with the rapid pace we are currently on to help me finish my classes in 11 months.  I seriously never in my life thought that school would be such a huge amount of work but to be honest I am finding in challenging, frustrating, exciting and worth every penny of it. The thing that is keeping me going is hearing my name in 2 years when I cross that stage to accept my diploma.  That will be a very proud moment for me and that is the prize I am keeping my eye on.

How have I been doing with my weight loss?  I really dont know.  I had school last Saturday which is the only day I could weigh in at the doctors office.  I am not sure if I have lost or gained but I do know that I havnt been eating alot of junk but we still have not been able to afford to eat more healthy either.  This is the most frustrating part in that I know what I want to eat and I just cannot afford to buy these items yet because we have just been flat broke.  We have a suprplus of food at the house now but these are all things we have bought in the past that just are not the most nutrient rich items like pasta and breads.  I want to eat salads and yogurt and other healthy stuff but eating that way requires money that we dont have.  I do get paid this weekend and we will be buying many of these things so I do look forward to getting my system cleaned out.   I really want to try and eat only salads, chicken and other proteins as well as whole grains breads for te next 2 weeks and really put myself on the road to eating well.  Eating well right now is not a challenge to me but being able to afford it is.  So hopefully we can direct our very limited food funds to items that will help us all eat better.

I have also been dealing with some issues in my own life.  I dont know whats been wrong with me and maybe its the winter we are having but I have been fighting….for lack of a better word, depression.  Its not a dep depression but it is a feeling of being down and dejected.  We are in th emiddle of our second bad winter where the cold and the snow amounts are ranking up in the top 5 of worst winters recorded in the last 145 years so I am sure this has alot to do with it.  We cannot go anywhere because of the snow or the cold and even if we could head outside we dont have money to do anything. Its a bad cycle that we are in right now and I am not sure what to do to about it.  I am actually more worried about Sharon as she is stuck at home and cannot go outside because of the cold and with no car she cant just head to Starbucks for some outside time.  There have been many times I call home from work and she is near or in tears and I know the walls are closing in on her too.  I have to find a way to get her a car this spring and hopefully God will provide a tax return so we can at least get her a beater car to get aroudnd town with.

I am trying to pull myself out of this depression and school is helping me but its keeping me away from home even more.  All this stress and depression isnt helping my eating as I am a nervous eater and if I had any money or if we had anything in the house worth munching on I would hav ealready plowed through it by now.  Lucky for me we havnt had much of money or munchies so eating real bad has not been a issue.  I think that after shopping this weekend and getting out and spendning time with Sharon I think I will be back on track.  After all spring is right around the corner and pitchers and catchers report to spring training in 2 weeks!! Come on spring!!!

As mentioned in my previous post i started school yesterday and to be honest I am really apprehensive about starting this new chapter in my life while trying to deal with the weight loss.  It almost seems that these 2 issues in my life might be counter productive as school tends to stress me out and stress usually leads to over eating.  I need to balance theseissues out and I think if I am successful I wil lbe a better person for it.

I am also still feeling the winter blahs pretty bad but I feel really bad for my wife as she is stuck at home all day with no car as we just cannot afford another car at this time.  I cant even count the number of times in the last 2 months that I have called home onlunch to find Sharon crying because she was so down.  We both think she has that seasonal disorder where the winter just depresses her to the point where she just breaks down in tears and has no motivation to do anything.  Some days are better than others but I need to find a way to get her a car so she can get out of the house on a regular basis.  Our apartment has no direct sunlight and its been so cold and snowy here that even trying to do something outside will prove to be futile.  The only thing we seem to be able to do is go to starbucks when I get home at night or walk around walmart just for something to do.  Spring cannot get here soon enough if you ask me.

I was able to do some walking today and I do feel better after getting this exercise in.  I need to really step it up some and I am hoping that maybe I would be able to go to the gym at the college I am attending just to get a better work out in 2 times a week.

As for todays menu..here goes:

Breakfast  bowl of cereal with 2% milk

Lunch…peanut butter sandwich with some doritios ( i know bad choice but we are out of the “good food”.  I have brought some dry cereal to munch on through the day.

This weekend we will be doing some shopping and buying nothing but totally healthy food.  I have decided that instead of buy chips or prtzels i will sink our money into salad mix, veggies, yogurt and other things that will keep us more healthy.  I am actually looking forward to next week when all this other not as healthy stuff is gone and the good food is available.    having good food in the house will also help my stress eating so if I do get the urge it the food will not “kill” me in terms of weight gain.

I am actually typing this after the fact as today is the 14th but I am going to pretend that it is still the 13th.  well kinda

Anyway, I started school yesterday (the 13th) and it really caused me alot of stress because it has been years since I have been in a actual classromm situation.  My usual way of dealing with stress is eating but I feel I really did a good job at not devouring anything in sight and dealt with the stress in a positive way.   I need to keep this positive stress handling going because the amount of work that will be assigned in class compared with the amount of time to complete the assignments would make anyone stress and eat a whole bag of oreas at one sitting!

so here are the eating details from yesterday (13th)

Breakfast bowl of cherios ceral with 2% milk.

Lunch peanut butter sandwich with pretzels and a low fat vanilla yogurt for dessert.

The school provided subway sandwiches and sun chips for us so a 6inch sub was my dinner with no mayo on it…and the sun chips of course.

When I got home there was a bag of coritos that I had to have some of.  I didnt grab the bag like I normally would have but instead grabbed a small bowl and put some in there.  I ended up not eating all the chips andgave the rest to Sharon.  I probably ate 8- 10 chips.

I didnt have the chance to walk all that much and i am really feeling it today.