The 500 pound man lap band bariatric weight loss journey.

Wow where have the years (and NOT the pounds) gone?

mchenrycards — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 04:43:05 +0000

I was just looking over my blog and realized that I started this blog over four years ago in anticipation of having the Lap-Band weight loss surgery performed on me. I was full of hope and anticipation before the surgery but here we are nearly four years later and I am only about 25 pounds less than I was when I started. What happened?

I will tell you what happened…I learned to cheat the band and continued to eat like I normally did without doing any additional exercise. The band is only a tool and like any other tool, if not used right it will be of little use. So where does that leave me?

I will tell you where it leaves me. It leaves me pissed off at myself. It leaves me disappointed in everything I have done, It leaves me feeling even less of myself than I did before the surgery. It leaves me feeling like a loser and a failure. It leaves me right back at where I started. Nothing has changed except for being four years older.

Its time for an all out war on my weight and on my mental health. I have been told many times that weight loss is in one’s own head and in the head is where it starts. If I am going to lose any weight I have to want it….need it….and go after it with the energy I would go after a pizza with cheese and sausage. A plan is needed and this is what I need to do. A plan on how and what to eat as well as a plan for the short and long term. lets call it a plan for living because as it stands, I am not living, I am surviving. I want to live. I want to fly to places I have never seen. I want to experience life like others do. I want to know my grand kids and see them grow up. I want to grow old with my wife and complain about our aches and pains when we are in our 70′s and NOT our 40′s. Time is running out on my and I need to do this now. Sustaining my mental capacity to make this change will be harder to do than actually losing weight. I need the strength to see myself through this and a faith in God that he will help me overcome if I just ask. This IS something I can do….do I want it bad enough? That is the question.

Baby steps

mchenrycards — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 19:29:19 +0000

This mind over matter “stuff” is actually sinking in to my head when it comes to watching what I eat. On the way to work today I had a huge craving for a a greasy breakfast sandwich washed down by a sugary iced beverage from the golden arches.
I was falling into the same old patterns, plotting my stop at the restaurant even before my feet touched the floor just like I can only imagine an alchoholic would do(I said I was a food addict). I got in my car and thought about how good these things would taste and then something strange happened. I remembered how I looked in some recent photos and remembered how dumbstruck I was to actually see how big I had become. I have been able to brush off these thoughts of the photos previously and allowed my desires to take over but this morning was different. I actually remember the Bible verses I had written down that I thought would help me in a time of need just like this one. I read those verses and imagined myself skinny and then did something I should have done years ago. I prayed. I asked God to helpo me get through this drive to work and asked for strenghth to not pull into the drive through. I have come to realize that I am powerless to combat this addiction on my own and that I needed God’s help to get me through it. While it wasnt easy, I didnt pull in!! I felt like I fought this need for food this morning for a good part of my drive but the thing is I didint stop. I didnt let this addiction control me, I, with the help of God, controlled it!! For me, this is a huge step and one to celebrate if only for a short while because the drive home will provide me with an even larger challenge. One day at a time, one hour at a time!!

My name is Andrew…and I am a food addict part two

mchenrycards — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 01:20:45 +0000

It has been a day since I came to the realization that food is my drug of choice. And since I use food to soothe my emotional pain and provide comfort in times of stress, there is no doubt that food has to be considered a drug regardless if my body needs it to survive. I had always heard that a person should treat food a fuel for the body and not as a recreational toy but that is a concept that was always lost on me. Eating was a part of every aspect of life and when I think back on pivitol moments in my family’s history, usually eating in one form or another went hand in hand with these events.

As a child I was always active but I remember looking forward to Fridays as this was the day my mom would go grocery shopping. Not only did I get a special treat of football cards for being good, I was assured of a box of animal crackers to keep me quiet as we meandered through the store. After we left the store we made sure to find the grocery bag that contained the more cookies as it was a long 25 minute drive home and everyone in the car needed a few cookies to tide them over until we arrived at our front door. Once home, the open bag of cookies would stay on the table while the groceries were put away but we all knew nibbling on these tasty treats was encouraged of each of us kids until the contents were nearly devoured.

At an early age, Saturday mornings were special because it meant cartoons and cereal in front of the televison. I would get up and pour myself a rather large bowl of sugary cereal (usually Captain Crunch) and munch while watching Bugs Bunny and the rest of his friends for hours. It wasnt unusual to have a large box of cereal in our house, disappear from the cupboards in a weekend.

My parents had a large chest freezer in our garage and it was usually filled with cakes, cookies, ice cream and other treats with the idea that there would always be something available when company came by. My family did have a constant stream of visitors swinging by the house when I was a child and I believe maybe my mom felt it would not be appropriate to have company pay a visit and not offer them some sort of treat while gathering around our large dining room table. Many times I remember hearing my mom say “go out to the freezer and take a cake out because company is coming over”. Of course having this ready access to treats also made those late need, sweet tooth desires fairly easy to eleviate with a quick run across the cold, concrete floor and a dive into the frozen stillness of the freezer.

As I grew up there were hundreds of family gatherings which meant large feasts for all. We were encouraged to eat by my German relatives while sitting around the dinner table then afterwards asked by these same relatives why we were so fat. Now we all know Germans are not know to be the skiiniest of people and my relatives were certainly no exceptions to this rule. I know I used to laugh them off while deep down inside being so hurt by these comments that I used to plan my escape when word of their visit was announced. As the years went by the comments remained as waist lines increased for all involved. As an adult, these relatives how now passed away leaving in their wake a history of hurtful comments and a lifetime of eating disasters.

Looking back on my history has helped me understand where I have come from and how the seeds of food addiction could have been planted in my head. Now its up to me to look forward and fight this battle but I know it cannot be done alone. I need support from a good counselor as well as help from God above to make this change I have been writing about for nearly 4 years now. Diets and lap band surgery could not make the changes that need to come from my head and not from my heart. But these changes in my head are ironically needed to save my heart!! Here’s to taking it day by day and hour by hour.

My name is Andrew, and I am a food addict!!

mchenrycards — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:05:15 +0000

My weekend was crammed full with thoughts from Saturday morning about food addiction. I had a chance to look up some information online and, with the exception of throwing up what I just ate, I have all the classic symptoms of a food addict.
I need to get this part of my life taken care of once and for all. Make a councelor appointment, get right with God and become deadly serious about this weight loss/eating issue because, well it is deadly serious for me. As my wife says, How many 500 pound old men do we ever see? The answer….not many. I have my wife checking out a councelor for me, I just signed up for a food addicts support group website and I need to get on my knees and ask for help. No longer can I expect to take the easy way out of this food addiction because there just is not a easy way out option for me. This is going to be a very rough road ahead.

Shot to the heart and I am to blame……….

mchenrycards — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 02:41:00 +0000

Pardon the John Bon Jovi mention in the title of this post but today I took a shot to my heart and I am the one to blame.

Obviously as the title of the my blog states I am a 500 pound man who has struggled with his weight for some time now. Lap band surgery and various diets have not helped and frustration has set in as I know my time on this earth is limited if I do not remove this weight from my body. At breakfast this morning it was pointed out to me by my wife that my 24 year old son watched the television show, “Biggest Loser, Home Edition” or something like that and he saw a man on there that probably could have been my twin. Big, fat, jovial and generally a happy person despite being larger than two average size human beings. I was told the man lost a good deal of weight but when the weight loss coach left him on his own, he failed to lose any more weight despite having thousands of dollars of equipment installed in his home. The hefty man finally admitted that he was a food addict and realized that, until he addresses this addiction he will never lose weight. My wife informed me that my son seemed disappointed and realized that man on television represented me exactly and all hope for a normal life with his father seems to have been destroyed.

It was at that moment at breakfast that I realized I am a food addict. Its not like I didnt know this previously because looking in the mirror and seeing 500 pounds of human flesh staring back at you in the mirror is a pretty good indication that food plays a major part of one’s life. This realization scared me and caused me ponder on it all day. Like many things in my life when it comes to my weight I will ponder all day and usually dismiss the idea a day or two later when I pass by the first McDonalds I see. I need to get a good handle on this so I can actually have a life with my family. I want to grow old with my wife and see my grandkids marry and have kids. I want to see my son get married and have a life he can enjoy but I need to make this happen. If you have read any of my blogs you will know this is a common theme in my writings and surely are rolling your eyes as you read this knowing that I have spouted this kinda drivel before and took no action on my weight loss. Sadly, this is a pattern that I am good at and need to find a way to break this addiction that seems to have a death grip on me.

ugh

mchenrycards — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 01:11:33 +0000

They say from the depths of despair you find the outer peelings of a person stripped away to reveal the real person inside and I think I have hit that moment in my life. It has been nearly three years since my weight surgery and nothing has changed for me. The weight is still there, the emotional trials that being a fat man bring remain and family and friends have lost any hope that I will lose any weight in my lifetime. I can no longer cry or laugh as my situation seems to have evolved into a pathetic life with no hope of breaking out. It just seems that outside of work and school I have lost all interest in anything and this downward spiral is taking me to places I do not want to go.

Early on before deciding on the viability of the surgery I had mentioned to a few people in my life that I really felt that I was going to have to tackle this weight loss the hard way and not use surgery or a “magic pill” to melt thse pounds off of my frame. Three years later I believe this to be true. Losing weight is a head game and I believe I now have the biggest battle of my life ahead of me and I can no longer push this issue off to a dark place of my mind and refuse to deal with it. This is a battle I have to win to bring back my life and all the things I used to enjoy. I am so scared that, like everythingelse in my life I wont deal with this and accept my fate. I need to get the idea of a total lifestyle change through my head and realize that there is no magic potion of surgical procedure that can accomplish what I need to get done. Mentally, I am not sure if I have this ability and I am not going to sit here and pretend I do. Somehow I need some assistance from above to battle through this and win my life back.

Who needs fast food?

mchenrycards — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 21:11:10 +0000

As one who has lived a good majority of his life on food handed to me through a window in a building I can say kicking this habit has surprisingly not been as bad as I thought it would be. I am currently at almost 2 weeks with no fast food with the exception of two trips to Subway for a turkey sub. I actually feel great bout this and plan to continue making this change in my life.

At first I had to literally convince myself that I really wasnt hungry when I was out and about and many times I drove past by the golden arches with my car wanting to pull into the drive through lane. I assumed what I was feeling was nearly what a drug addict or alcoholic would feel when looking for their next fix because in so many ways food was my fix. Convincing myself I didnt need that food fix was a bit of a struggle at first but now that I have settled into a routine it has become easier to resist the temptations of Wendy and her friend the Ronald. I wont lie, there are times it has been tough but the important thing is that I succeeded! Now to put this all together and use the no fast food rule with a exercise routine to help lose the weight I need to lose. More on that next week!!

How many new beginnings does one person get??

mchenrycards — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 16:27:00 +0000

Anyone who has read this blog knows that it seems every 4 months or so I have an epiphany and declare a new beginning for myself. Well at the risk of turning people off to what I have written (including myself) I have avoided this blog because it would be of the same old thing just a different month. This week has been different for me. I found myself eating more and more fast food and less healthy meals at home and I knew this had to stop. I was gaining weight again and I knew before long I would spiral out of control and be back to where I was before my surgery. So like an alchoholic, I need to make a mental change as well as a physical change and that change has started this week.

I know many people who have substance abuse issues find that they do have a physical need for their drug of choice but alot of their issue is also a mental issue. While my body certainly wasnt starving and creating a need for food I found my mind was constantly thinking about its next score! A bagel from Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, a candy bar at lunch and of course a McChicken from McDonalds on the way home from work. I wasnt hungry but I just had to have this stuff. Wouldnt a frozen pizza e great for dinner or maybe some chicken from KFC!! I reasoned it it my head that I wasnt eating alot and since these items were usually from the dollar menu it really wasnt all that bad. I have now realized that, like the old song says, I am now a junk food junky!! I crave it, I need it and I have to stop it or it will kill me. I know I have said this before but I need to keep that in my head to help me kick the drive though habit!

I am not saying the habit is kicked but this week I have not stopped for fast food with the exception of Subway while heading to school after work. Since I ate healthy at Subway and didnt get chips or anything else to go with my turkey sub I felt that this really didnt break my fast food embargo. I mean besides, I had to get out of the car and go in to get my sandwich. How could this be fast food if someone wasnt handing it to me through a window! This has been a mental battle all week with me. I have wanted to stop many times but I have talked myself out of going through the drive through each time. I know the good lord above is also helping me with this battle because I know he does not want to see me destroy myself through overeating. So, as of today I would say I am happier than last week at this time. There is still much work that needs to be done but winning the mental battle is huge for me!! Now I need to make sure the items I am actually eating are healthier foods and I need to add exercise into the mix. One step at a time but the mental battle that used to kick my butt is now showing some signs of life!

Avoiding fast food will be huge for me as I have stopped drinking pop almost 2 years ago. If I can eliminate this food from my life I will have eliminated 2 of the largest sources of my weight gain, pop and fast food. That leaves only the battle with my sweet tooth to conquer!!

I recently started a membership at a local work out center and I need to get in there and use it on a consistant basis. That is my second goal for this week, use the workout center and not worry about what others think of me when I am there!

well time to go but I will make sure to update this blog next week, if for no othe rreason that to keep me honest!

oh hell!

mchenrycards — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:10:15 +0000

OH hell is all I am really feeling right now. I have looked back at this blog that I started with such anticipation and promise only to find myself to be a failure at this weight loss that I had anticipated for so long. It has taken me a year to admit that I have failed with the lap band weight loss program and that simple fact has forced me into deeper funks than I think I have ever felt before. It was preached to me by not only my doctor but my wife that the lap band was only a tool for weight loss and not the be all, end all to drop weight off. I had taken it for granted and slowly slipped back into some bad habits only to find myself nearly 2 years later eating the same crap and having the same bad habits that caused me to tip the scales at over 500 pounds. Although I have not touched an ounce of pop in nearly two years, chips and other bad foods have found their way back into my diet. While the good news is that although I have put on a few pounds that I lost after surgery I have not gained all that much weight and have maintained a good amount of the original weight loss. The bad news is that I find myself slowly gaining weight back and I need to stop it now. Looking back on my blogs this is definitley a familiar refrain!!

To keep myself accountable to myself I will have to continue on this blog no matter how painful. I was hoping to keep my re-appearance on this blog a secret but it does not appear that I can hide it from the public’s eyes. I just dont want to dissappoint more people with my failures but I need to keep this blog up to date to keep me honest. These thoughts of mine are mainly personal and private thoughts but if you stumble on these ramblings you are welcome to read them but I ask that you not get upset with me when I fail. Please know, I am trying and this is by no means easy at all for me. My heart is hurting because of the people I have disappointed and I dont want to do that anymore to people who care about me.

I have joined a work-out center and need to find the strength and courage to go in there among the healthy, in shape people and try to walk the treadmill for 5 minutes. I feel like everyone is watching and judging me when I go in there and I have to get it through my head that it does not matter what they think as long as I get my exercise and lose this weight. The 1st few times I was going to go workout I got what can only be described as a panic attack just from pulling into the parking lot. I cannot explain this fear but it is something I need to overcome. I used to work out years ago and loved it but for some reason this time in my life I panic at the thougt of going to work out. I cannot explain this but I have to push through. I have my workout clothes in my car and plan on going after work. Hopefully this will be the 1st day I can go without working up a sweat before I even pull into the parking lot!!

Where the hell have I been??

mchenrycards — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:45:06 +0000

A question I have been asking myself for most of the last 7 months is where have I been? I am not talking about my physical location but my mental place in this world. I haven’t posted here in nearly 7 months and many excuses can be made for that. School has taken a majority of my waking hours while I not at work which has contributed to my missing all these months on my blog. Laziness, indifference as well as no longer wanting to lay my life out there for others to criticize and view for fear of letting others down like I have done for a majority of my life. But after thinking about these writings I have done, I realized that it might have been the very writings that, in the past kept me on the straight and narrow path that held me to my goals. I got to think about how much I actually missed blogging and I felt it was time to get back to doing what I enjoy doing regardless if I dont have the time needed to devote to this blog. I will just need to find time to do these things that were making a difference in my life and blogging here is one of those things. I am pretty sure I have lost all of the readers who checked in here from time to time but thats fine with me. I started this blog for myself as a way to keep a record of where I came from and I never thought anyone would care enough to read the mindless words that spilled out of my mouth like fast food crumbs used to fall from my shirt! I really dont mind others reading my thoughts but I am sure most will not check back in here to see what I am up to. So for me and anyone else who cares to read….and update!!

The last 7 months have been a challenge to do what is right in regards to my weight. I will not say I have been good and eaten only what I am supposed to do. I guess if that was the case I would never have stopped blogging and let everyone know how well I was doing. Since I am now a full time college student as well as a full time employee it has been a challenge to eat right while driving between school and work. While it is easier to stop at McDonalds and order a chicken sandwich (no fries or anything else nasty like that) and drive on down the road, it is not the best option. While these 7 months have gone by fast and I am sad to say I have stopped at the drive up window to more fast food restaurants than I care to mention I have been doing somewhat decent with my weight…….well kinda. I jumped on the scale 4 weeks ago after not being on one since December and found out that I had only gained 6 pounds. Yes!! I know!! 6 pounds is not good but to be honest I thought I had gained back at least 15 or 20. The nice thing is I had a chance to jump back on the scale a week later and found that I had lost 1 pound already. So have I been back on the scale since??? No..but am hoping to make a visit to the doctor this weekend so we will see.

I also had a chance to get a physical a few weeks back and this included a complete blood work up. With the exception of being a fat guy I never really had any serious issues with my health and that includes cholesterol etc. When I started this weight loss journey my cholesterol was nearing 200 which is the mark where the doctors start telling you that the cholesterol is too high. I am happy to report that in the past yeah my cholesterol has actually dropped 30 points to 164. The doctor as well as my wife were amazed that despite the track that I got off of , my important numbers like cholesterol and sugars etc are actually very very normal. Now couple this great news with the fact that I did not pack on a huge amount of weight has really made me feel better about myself and I now know I didnt do damage to my health like I thought I did.

So where does that take me now?? Wel I will never make great predictions about weight loss in 60 days or anything else like that again. I have to just get back to sensible eating and avoid the crap foods I feel have been creaping back into my life. Yeay yeay I know…same ole story different day. I Know! I agree! this is the fight I always fight and I guess it will never go away. But at this point I need to jump back into the fray and battle my way to being non-fat!!

One a side note my wife also went to the doctor and she had the opposite results in her blood work. everything was high and the doctor has wanted to put her on more meds to control her cholesterol and blood pressure. That actually kicked her in the butt and she has now been walking 45 -60 minutes, 5 days a week for nearly 6 weeks now. There is no doubt she lost weight and she is now energized to keep losing more weight. I am getting jeolous of her so I guess I need to get moving and battle here for the record of most weight loss in our family!!

So that is pretty much the update. I will be checking in here at least weekly to update this blog on where I am at (and my wife too!! I am so proud of her!!)

Thanks for reading…see ya soon