Where the hell have I been??

A question I have been asking myself for most of the last 7 months is where have I been?  I am not talking about my physical location but my mental place in this world.  I haven’t posted here in nearly 7 months and many excuses can be made for that.  School has taken a majority of my waking hours while I not at work which has contributed to my missing all these months on my blog.  Laziness, indifference as well as no longer wanting to lay my life out there for others to criticize and view for fear of letting others down like I have done for a majority of my life.  But after thinking about these writings I have done, I realized that it might have been the very writings that, in the past kept me on the straight and narrow path that held me to my goals.  I got to think about how much I actually missed blogging and I felt it was time to get back to doing what I enjoy doing regardless if I dont have the time needed to devote to this blog.  I will just need to find time to do these things that were making a difference in my life and blogging here is one of those things.  I am pretty sure I have lost all of the readers who checked in here from time to time but thats fine with me.  I started this blog for myself as a way to keep a record of where I came from and I never thought anyone would care enough to read the mindless words that spilled out of my mouth like fast food crumbs used to fall from my shirt!  I really dont mind others reading my thoughts but I am sure most will not check back in here to see what I am up to.  So for me and anyone else who cares to read….and update!!

The last 7 months have been a challenge to do what is right in regards to my weight.  I will not say I have been good and eaten only what I am supposed to do.  I guess if that was the case I would never have stopped blogging and let everyone know how well I was doing.  Since I am now a full time college student as well as a full time employee it has been a challenge to eat right while driving between school and work.  While it is easier to stop at McDonalds and order a chicken sandwich (no fries or anything else nasty like that) and drive on down the road, it is not the best option.  While these 7 months have gone by fast and I am sad to say I have stopped at the drive up window to more fast food restaurants than I care to mention I have been doing somewhat decent with my weight…….well kinda.  I jumped on the scale 4 weeks ago after not being on one since December and found out that I had only gained 6 pounds.  Yes!! I know!!  6 pounds is not good but to be honest I thought I had gained back at least 15 or 20.  The nice thing is I had a chance to jump back on the scale a week later and found that I had lost 1 pound already.  So have I been back on the scale since??? No..but am hoping to make a visit to the doctor this weekend so we will see.

I also had a chance to get a physical a few weeks back and this included a complete blood work up.  With the exception of being a fat guy I never really had any serious issues with my health and that includes cholesterol etc.  When I started this weight loss journey my cholesterol was nearing 200 which is the mark where the doctors start telling you  that the cholesterol is too high.  I am happy to report that in the past yeah my cholesterol has actually dropped 30 points to 164.  The doctor as well as my wife were amazed that despite the track that I got off of , my important numbers like cholesterol and sugars etc are actually very very normal.  Now couple this great news with the fact that I did not pack on a huge amount of weight has really made me feel better about myself and I now know I didnt do damage to my health like I thought I did.

So where does that take me now??  Wel I will never make great predictions about weight loss in 60 days or anything else like that again.  I have to just get back to sensible eating and avoid the crap foods I feel have been creaping back into my life.  Yeay yeay I know…same ole story different day.  I Know! I agree! this is the fight I always fight and I guess it will never go away.  But at this point I need to jump back into the fray and battle my way to being non-fat!!

One a side note my wife also went to the doctor and she had the opposite results in her blood work. everything was high and the doctor has wanted to put her on more meds to control her cholesterol and blood pressure.  That actually kicked her in the butt and she has now been walking 45 -60 minutes, 5 days a week for nearly 6 weeks now.  There is no doubt she lost weight and she is now energized to keep losing more weight.  I am getting jeolous of her so I guess I need to get moving and battle here for the record of most weight loss in our family!!

So that is pretty much the update.  I will be checking in here at least weekly to update this blog on where I am at (and my wife too!! I am so proud of her!!)

Thanks for reading…see ya soon

Springtime is here!!

Well we have finally hit spring time….even if the thermometer does not reflect this fact!  Either way we are heading into the weekend where it should be nice and in the 50’s which is good walking weather.  I need to get myself a new pair of shoes as the ones I have now are worn out and then I plan on doing some walking this weekend.  Of course I have a huge amount of homework that is due by Tuesday but while the sun is shining I want to get some walking in.

Not much else happening in our world. Just looking forward to the beginning of spring time and the start of baseball season that is just a few short weeks away.

Whats this??? Is that really spring I see????

Sping is a time where living things spring from the ground and we all emerge from our winter hideouts.  Its a time when we look back to the hard winter we have just emerged from and look forward to the fun times that are expected to be ahead for us as we enjoy the summer sun and Gods blessings.  After a period of time off from this blog I feel its time to start it back up again start to record my thoughts and hopes once again.  

I promise to provide no excuses for the last 2+ months and my lack of doing anything about my weight.  Besides school being unbelieveable hectic and the fact that I just could not go outside to do anything I really dont have any more excuses so I will not even try to make some up.  The only thing I can do now is to fall on my sword, admit my mistakes and go forward with my mission.  So that is what I am doing today on this blog, admitting mistakes and realizing that I can screw up but that screw up should not ruin all the good things I have done so far.  So in the interest of moving forward…here goes.

The 60 in 60 experiemnet was stupid!  Knowing myself as well as I do pressure to perform like that was not a motivating factor but pressure I could literally feel.  When under pressure I have always turned to food to help me through and although I didnt eat like a sow and gain a huge pile of weight I crumbled under the pressure and hid from the world.  I have gotten back into some bad habits but not so deep into them that I cannot reverse them.  Some good things are that I still have not had any soda since my surgery date and french fries are not things I even crave anymore.  I still take turkey sandwiches to work and dont eat incredibly bad stuff while at work.  I have tended to eat crap while at home but thats only because nobody has wanted to actually make meals so that is something I have to reverse.  I have to focus on the good things I have continued to do and realize that I have not really done all that bad.  I am in a far better place than I was last year at this time and it will only get better!

Now that it is getting nicer I can resume walking outside now.  I have been walking inside at work but that has become so old and boring that the last few weeks I have almost stopped the afternoon walks.  Today I have resumed these walks but I know in a week or 2 I will be able to be outside and enjoythe great weather on my lunch hour instead of watching white walls go by.

I am so looking forward to so many things this summer.  Things such as walks by the lake, Picnics with my wife and ballgames and concerts.  I was able tolose a good amount of weight last summer and fall and that is what I intend to do again this coming summer.  I will not set a goal weight for the end of summer but will definitly work to drop as many pounds as I can. 

As to the weigh ins and other stuff to keep me honest. I will resume my weigh ins in 2 weeks as the next 2 Saturdays I will be at school and unable to get to the doctors office.  In 2 weeks….April 11th I will report where I am with the weight and take an actual picture of it as I promised before.  Its time to get back into action and there is no better time than now to get it started!

Where have I been???

Its been a month since my last post.   Yeah a whole month….so what happened?Many things happened, life, discouragement, school, discouragement,school all sorts of things. 

I have been pretty discouraged since my last post and to be honest I have been struggling with many things.  Once again I find myself sitting here trying to decide what happened and trying to figure out what my next steps are.  I havnt been on the scale in awhile mainly because the only day I can weigh in is Saturday and 3 of the last 5 Saturdays have found me in school.  2 other Saturdays we had things going on so there was no way I was going to be able to get in there and find out where I am at.

 

I have also been stressed about school as this is a pretty intense class schedule that requires many many hours of work outside the classroom.  And since it is a writing course that I am currently taking I definitly have not felt like coming in here and writing after I have spent a good majority of the last 4 weeks doing nothing but writing for my class.  Some will say these are excuses but I know they are not.  I know I am fried out between school, work and the huge drive I have everyday.  We have also volunteered to be board members for a local non profit place which is taking up alot of time as well.  Things seems to be getting better but I am still fried out and would really welcome some serios down time but I just dont think that is going to happen.

So getting back to the weight loss issue I need to get the band filled with more saline.  I should have done this at least 3 times now since the last fill and I just have not had the money to be able to pay for it.  I have set aside some money for this procedure and have an appointment for the middle of march to get this done.  This will help eliminate more food from being consumed and help me with my weight loss.

Sharon and I have also talked about joining a gym near our place and even though it is expensive we feel we will need to somehow make a sacrafice and just do it.  We dont have any extra money but we will have to find a way to make it work. 

Other than that not much going on.  Its finally almost spring here and although we have a temperature of only 10 degrees outside today I know spring is close which will really help me get back into the weight loss program.

February 4

Ok I guess today is the day i totally drove off the road… well not totally but I have not started the day off all that well.

Since I stayed at my moms last night I didnt have many options for breakfast.  I did prepare myself and brought a can of soup and some things to work the day before so  would have a good lunch but I forgot about breakfast.  Mom does not really have breakfast food in her house and to be honest. after I took a huge swig of milk at Thanksgiving only to have to spit it out because it was out dated and tasted like vinegar, I have no faith in whats in her cabinets.  So on the way to work I was going to get a bagel w/ cream cheese or something else but they all seemed to be high in fat and calories.  I so screw it and stopped at McDonalds and got one sausage biscuit with no egg or cheese and that was my breakfast.  Its a terrible way to start the day but I used to get 2 of these sandwiches as well as a hash browns so compared to how i used to be its not bad but still not a good thing.  so here is todays eating:

breakfast: Sausage biscuit with no egg or cheese

Lunch:  progresso  “chicken pot pie” soup.  with some pretzels to snack on

February 3 2009

Tuesday February 3 brings another day of school and no going home tonight.  Since the school is so far from home and I get out at 10 pm I will be staying at my mothers who is much closer to school than my home is.  I hate staying overnight at her house because I miss being home and also miss my wife.  If I would go home after class I literally would have to go to bed right away as it will be about 11:30 at night and then get up 6 hours later to go to work.  So it makes sense to stay at my moms and not waste the gs going home. 

So fir todays eating:

breakfast:  Rice krispies and 2% milk…160 calories

Lunch:  Small salad with mixed greens and ranch dressing. (again dipped not poured)

Half turkey sandwich with mustard and no cheese

Lite yogurt for something sweet after lunch 100 calories

Snack:  Pretzels for munching!

Dinner

Since I was going to school I packed a peanut butter sandwich and some pretzels to eat.

After school at 10.30 I was pretty hungry and stopped for a mcchicken sandwich at McDonalds.  No fries or anything just a sandwhich which really blew my day in terms of calories.  There were no other healthier choices available to me as I only had a few bucks on me .

February 2 2009

Ok, Its a new day, a new month and the Super Bowl is now over.  Although I would have loved to see the Cardinals win it was still a great weekend as I got to spend alot of time with my wife while relaxing. 

Since it is now February 2nd I need to get back in the swing of things in terms of documenting what I am eating and really staying very close to the new eating I have been struggling with.  We actually went shopping over the weekend and purchased food that was good for us allowing us to jump into the spring weight loss season with both feet.  Atthis time I just dont think I am going to make my goal of 60 in 60 but any weight loss is a huge success and very much welcomed.  I have started again my walking after taking a week off because of my knee just killing me.  So I am now back to walking and plan on doing some exercises tonight when I get home.  Then its off to homework after that!!

 So to start the new month off here is my intake for the day

Breakfast

1 small bowl of rice krispes ceral with 2% milk….about 190 calories

Lunch

Small side salad made with “spring mix” lettuce and dipped (not pured over) ceasar dressing.  Not quite sure of the calories but the dressing was not bad and since I dipped it and not poured it over the salad that had to be good right!!

Half turkey sandwich with 1 slice bread and mustard on it.

Light low fat yogurt  100 calories

Snack

Munching on some pretzels which are about 95 calories per serving.  I brought with me one serving today.

And for the 2 hour drive home I brought a chex mix bar that has 140 calories and zero grams of saturated fat.  That should satisfy me until I get home

Dinner: Small baked potato with low cal butter and sour cream.  a small sprinkle of shredded cheddar cheese topped this one off. 

Small chicken breast

1 serving of corn

Where the heck have I been?

No, Contrary to rumors I have not been avoiding my blog and hiding out at the local Dunkin Donuts and gorging on all the filled long johns. 

 As mentioned previously I started school again and this time  I am attending a real university and not at the local junior college.  To say I have underestimated my work load from school would be a huge understatement.  I have found that the school work that has been assigned to me has been a unbelieveable amount and it continues.  Not that the work was hard or challenging but the sheer amount of work assigned has been very hard to keep up with.  I leave the house at 7 am and return around 7.30 at night with 3-4 hours of cummuting time. If its snowing, which it has been known to do in Wisconsin you can usually add 1-2 hours to that commute. The time that is eaten up in a normal work week for work and commuting does not leave time for much of anything else let alone school.  I find myself getting home at nght and eating dinner and working on school work until I go to bed.   If you could see me at my desk during my work day you will find me with a textbook open and in between calls I am frantically doing my homework trying to keep up with the rapid pace we are currently on to help me finish my classes in 11 months.  I seriously never in my life thought that school would be such a huge amount of work but to be honest I am finding in challenging, frustrating, exciting and worth every penny of it. The thing that is keeping me going is hearing my name in 2 years when I cross that stage to accept my diploma.  That will be a very proud moment for me and that is the prize I am keeping my eye on.

How have I been doing with my weight loss?  I really dont know.  I had school last Saturday which is the only day I could weigh in at the doctors office.  I am not sure if I have lost or gained but I do know that I havnt been eating alot of junk but we still have not been able to afford to eat more healthy either.  This is the most frustrating part in that I know what I want to eat and I just cannot afford to buy these items yet because we have just been flat broke.  We have a suprplus of food at the house now but these are all things we have bought in the past that just are not the most nutrient rich items like pasta and breads.  I want to eat salads and yogurt and other healthy stuff but eating that way requires money that we dont have.  I do get paid this weekend and we will be buying many of these things so I do look forward to getting my system cleaned out.   I really want to try and eat only salads, chicken and other proteins as well as whole grains breads for te next 2 weeks and really put myself on the road to eating well.  Eating well right now is not a challenge to me but being able to afford it is.  So hopefully we can direct our very limited food funds to items that will help us all eat better.

I have also been dealing with some issues in my own life.  I dont know whats been wrong with me and maybe its the winter we are having but I have been fighting….for lack of a better word, depression.  Its not a dep depression but it is a feeling of being down and dejected.  We are in th emiddle of our second bad winter where the cold and the snow amounts are ranking up in the top 5 of worst winters recorded in the last 145 years so I am sure this has alot to do with it.  We cannot go anywhere because of the snow or the cold and even if we could head outside we dont have money to do anything. Its a bad cycle that we are in right now and I am not sure what to do to about it.  I am actually more worried about Sharon as she is stuck at home and cannot go outside because of the cold and with no car she cant just head to Starbucks for some outside time.  There have been many times I call home from work and she is near or in tears and I know the walls are closing in on her too.  I have to find a way to get her a car this spring and hopefully God will provide a tax return so we can at least get her a beater car to get aroudnd town with.

I am trying to pull myself out of this depression and school is helping me but its keeping me away from home even more.  All this stress and depression isnt helping my eating as I am a nervous eater and if I had any money or if we had anything in the house worth munching on I would hav ealready plowed through it by now.  Lucky for me we havnt had much of money or munchies so eating real bad has not been a issue.  I think that after shopping this weekend and getting out and spendning time with Sharon I think I will be back on track.  After all spring is right around the corner and pitchers and catchers report to spring training in 2 weeks!! Come on spring!!!

January 14th

As mentioned in my previous post i started school yesterday and to be honest I am really apprehensive about starting this new chapter in my life while trying to deal with the weight loss.  It almost seems that these 2 issues in my life might be counter productive as school tends to stress me out and stress usually leads to over eating.  I need to balance theseissues out and I think if I am successful I wil lbe a better person for it.

I am also still feeling the winter blahs pretty bad but I feel really bad for my wife as she is stuck at home all day with no car as we just cannot afford another car at this time.  I cant even count the number of times in the last 2 months that I have called home onlunch to find Sharon crying because she was so down.  We both think she has that seasonal disorder where the winter just depresses her to the point where she just breaks down in tears and has no motivation to do anything.  Some days are better than others but I need to find a way to get her a car so she can get out of the house on a regular basis.  Our apartment has no direct sunlight and its been so cold and snowy here that even trying to do something outside will prove to be futile.  The only thing we seem to be able to do is go to starbucks when I get home at night or walk around walmart just for something to do.  Spring cannot get here soon enough if you ask me.

I was able to do some walking today and I do feel better after getting this exercise in.  I need to really step it up some and I am hoping that maybe I would be able to go to the gym at the college I am attending just to get a better work out in 2 times a week.

As for todays menu..here goes:

Breakfast  bowl of cereal with 2% milk

Lunch…peanut butter sandwich with some doritios ( i know bad choice but we are out of the “good food”.  I have brought some dry cereal to munch on through the day.

This weekend we will be doing some shopping and buying nothing but totally healthy food.  I have decided that instead of buy chips or prtzels i will sink our money into salad mix, veggies, yogurt and other things that will keep us more healthy.  I am actually looking forward to next week when all this other not as healthy stuff is gone and the good food is available.    having good food in the house will also help my stress eating so if I do get the urge it the food will not “kill” me in terms of weight gain.

January 13th

I am actually typing this after the fact as today is the 14th but I am going to pretend that it is still the 13th.  well kinda

Anyway, I started school yesterday (the 13th) and it really caused me alot of stress because it has been years since I have been in a actual classromm situation.  My usual way of dealing with stress is eating but I feel I really did a good job at not devouring anything in sight and dealt with the stress in a positive way.   I need to keep this positive stress handling going because the amount of work that will be assigned in class compared with the amount of time to complete the assignments would make anyone stress and eat a whole bag of oreas at one sitting!

so here are the eating details from yesterday (13th)

Breakfast bowl of cherios ceral with 2% milk.

Lunch peanut butter sandwich with pretzels and a low fat vanilla yogurt for dessert.

The school provided subway sandwiches and sun chips for us so a 6inch sub was my dinner with no mayo on it…and the sun chips of course.

When I got home there was a bag of coritos that I had to have some of.  I didnt grab the bag like I normally would have but instead grabbed a small bowl and put some in there.  I ended up not eating all the chips andgave the rest to Sharon.  I probably ate 8- 10 chips.

I didnt have the chance to walk all that much and i am really feeling it today.

a mid stream change that I have to make

I recently received a comment on this blog by a regular reader named Leann and she talked about a diabetic diet that she has been on and the results she has received.  I read her comments and thought back to what originally made me successful with my weight loss and realized some things that I have been lying to myself about. 

I have a tendency to eat all the wrong things and skip servings of vegetables and fruits as I have never been a big eater of these items.  I have also been lying to myself that just eating a half sandwich, chips and a yogurt at lunch was a good lunch for me.  Well this lie was really just that a lie to myself.  I was eating white bread for a sandwich bread instead of whole grain bread, Potato chips which are just all wrong and yogurt which was probably the only good thing in the lunch bag.  I have to go back to the basics of what made me successful early on and also realize that vegetables and fruits are a part of my life and I need to eat them on a regular basis. 

So there you have it… no excuses and realizations that I am lying to myself with my eating even though I thought I was eating well.  Leann has really opened my eyes with the diabetic diet and I realized that unless I force myself to eat closer to a diabetic diet I will probably have to eat one eventually anyway.  I did have good intentions and I guess this really is a learning process.  I have eaten 1 way for the last 44 years of my life and as I go I am learning more and more about nutrition and am only now realizing my mistakes and trying to make the changes. 

So going forward I will be more specific about what I am eating on a daily basis so everyone can hold me even more accountable.  And yes I will make sure I do a daily post here.  I have been bad in not doing my daily posts and I will not offer any excuses.  So to kinda restart this whole diet thing while still trying to meet the 60 in 60 goal here is what I have eaten today:

Breakfast..1 slice of Rye bread toast with a tablespoon creamy peanut butter.   ! small cup of 1% milk.  About 300 total calories

Lunch…Small salad (about 1 cup) with ranch dressing. Dressing was in a small container that I dipped the salad into and used about a tablespoon or dressing.   Half sandwich with rye bread, lean ham mustard and seasonings (no salt).  Not sure of calories.  Also had a low fat yogurt which was 120 calories.

Dinner…updated later

I have been back to walking here in the building and will walk more before I leave tonight after already walking my normal route twice today. 

I will be starting school tomorrow and will have to deal with the stress of actually attending classes and getting the class work completed on time.  I usually handle stress with eating and I will be finding new ways to handle the stress of school work.  I am open for suggestions if anyone has one!!

January 7th….ok ok…back on track

Well a explaination is in order and I am sure it will sound like an excuse (I can just hear Crsytal now!!)

Saturday ,January 3rd we had a huge amount of errands to run and to be honest I was tired a good part of the day.  We went shopping and didnt get home until well after 7 in the evening after going to the 5 o’clock service at church.  And to be honest, I sit for 40 hours per week in front of a computer screen and spending a mind numbing number of hours “relaxing” in front of another computer screen is not something I cherish when I have a day off.   As I mentioned in my quick post yesterday (more on that later)  I have not been going overboard and eating all kinds of junk food.  I have been ding pretty good and anticipate a weight loss by weeks end.

One of the things I was able to do on Saturday is weigh in.  I have not been looking forward to weighing in mainly because it had been 6 weeks since the last time I weighed and  with the holidays I was sure I gained a good amount of weight.  Well I am both happy and sad to announce that I “only” put on 3 pounds during this 6 week period and as pathetic as this sounds I am “happy” thats its only 3 pounds.  Happy in a way that says “how pathetic am I to put this weight back on” but also sad…oh well you get the idea.  So my official starting weight for this challenge is 477.  So in 8 weeks I need to be at 417….GULP!!  I cant even imagine being that weight but I certainly am aiming for it.  I will try and upload pictures of the scale reading after I weigh in this coming Saturday so you all can keep me honest!!

Sunday we took down the Christmas decorations and generally did nothing that whole day.  Again, no bad eating but no exercise either.  It seems I have contracted a case of the winter blahs.  I think my wife and I both get these blahs each winter about this time as we realize the holidays are over and warmer weather is still 3+ months away.  We are both fighting the blahs and doing our best to plow through them but with record snowfalls and continued very cold weather, it is tough to not just cover your head with the warm covers each morning and pray for May!

Tuesday I promised an update and ..well that just didnt happen.  I got home from a very busy day at work and remembered Sharon had an appointment that evening.  It was snowing out and I also knew Sharon is not a very happy camper when she has to drive in snow so I volunteered to drive her to her appointment.  What was to take only 45 minutes took almost 3 hours and we did not get back home until 10:30 in the evening which is usually when I try and get to bed.  Needless to say I was not going to do anything but have a quick bowl of cereal and go to bed.  Not good to have a full stomach when you finally get to bed but I was hungry… what can I say

So for todays update.

Breakfast was a piece of bread with a tablespoon full of Peanut butter!  (got my grains and my protein all in one shot!!) and a small glass of 2% milk

Lunch consisted of a peanut butter sandwich since we ran out of that great Turkey we bought over the weekend!!  A small “baggie” of chips brought from home and a yogurt.

Dinner…. Chicken and pasta.  It was actually pretty good

I dont think I have mentioned that I no longer drink any kind of soda as my doctor advised against it because it could have adverse effects on the lap band surgery I had.  My main beverage of choice is water and then skim milk.  On a few rare occasions when we go somewhere to eat I drink water or lemonaide. I just dont think I could even drink pop right now after not having it for 7 months.  I would imagine it would be too sweet as even lemonaide is very sweet to me now

I have continued my walking within the building here at work all week and I am trying to find ways to add extra steps to the normal amount I walk.  I have now started to walk even on my break which gives me 4 different times of the day that I step away from my desk and get some exercise.  I was hoping to be able to purchase a pedometer this past weekend but..well the money just wasnt there so maybe next paycheck I can buy it.  I would really love to know just how many steps I am taking each day and a pedometer would do that for me.  My doctor is recommending 10K steps per day and it would be cool to know just how close I am to that goal. (Not very close I am sure but getting there!)

Well there is the update and I promise I will not go 4 days without a update again.  I do promise to try and eat right and push myself with the exercise even though my knees are screaming as I sit and write this but I need to push on.   Hopefully this hard work will pay off in the long run.

January 6

I will be updating thisblog when I get home tonight. So sit tight..I am not cheating and gorging on everything in sight.

January 2nd….its an official start now!

New years eve came and went with a blur and midnight found Sharon and myself at church with about 20 other people welcoming in  the new year why thanking God above for what he gave us in the old year.  I mentioned to Sharon that this is probably the 1st new years eve in recent memory where I did not curse the old year and looked with great anticipation the new one.  2008 has given me some great memories such as the surgery and weight loss I started.  But 2008 has given us a new daughter that we knew we had but never met before,  A new grandson  giving us 2 total grandchldren now as well as many other decent memories.  2009 will find me continuing to lose more weight and hopefully at the end of this year I will have lost nearly 150 total pounds since starting my journey.  I am also starting  college at the age of 45 at a real university and not the local junior college and hopefully we will do some traveling to see the grandkids and take in some other sights along the way.  I have high hopes for this year and will have to work my tail off to make sure they come true.

As noted earlier, yesterday officially started the 60 in 60 challenge I issued to myself.  I didnt blog anything yesterday because, well to be honest it was a lazy day.  Since we were basically broke we went nowhere and did nothing.  We didnt have anything at home to really munch on so eating wrong was not a issue for me.  Thankfully today is payday and before I went to work I was able to run to the store and endure the nasty stares or the deli ladies at the local Piggly Wiggly as I asked them to slice me a pound of smoked turkey.  Being the 1st customer in the doors after a holiday I guess makes the employees a little edgey and to be honest I was edgy too because I just didnt want to go to work.  I was able to make some healthy purchases but totally forget the salad mix I planned on getting for lunch.  I was in a hurry, what can I say. I even had the salad dressing at home sitting in a little container ready for me to toss it into my lunch bag. Oh well, it will be there tonight after we do some shopping.

 So here is my menu for the day so far.  I promise to update this blog later today.

Breakfast………Yoplait low fat yougurt.  100 calories

Lunch…….Smoked turkey sandwich with a very small amount of mayo for taste and mustard as well.  toss in some seasonings like onion and garlic powder made this sandwich really good.  Also had a small serving of potatoe chips since I forgot the salad.

So far so good for the day.  I have also done my normal walking and plan on buying a pedometer tomorrow so I can be accurate when I say how much I have walked for the day.  Time to get back to work and as I mentioned I will update this blog later today.

December 31 2008, Well the end is here as well as a new beginning!!!!

The end of this year is finally here and the realization that tomorrow starts my 60 in 60 challenge has hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am actually looking forward to this challenge and looking forward even more to the actual results from my challenge to myself.  If I am successful losing the full 60 pounds my weight loss total since starting this journey will be 120 pounds lost in just 9 months.  That made me even more excited to realize that it is definitly possible for me to be down a total of 150 pounds on the one year anniversary of my surgery.  These are the goals I am keeping I am keeping my eyes on and these same goals are providing me motivation to push myself to achieve these goals.

As I mentioned this is December 31st and we really dont have big plans for today. We will be going to Chili’s for a nice late lunch as we were given a gift card for Christmas.  I am looking forward to a nice grilled chicken something because I have been craving grilled chicken for awhile.  Dont worry, I will eat right and no pigging out today!!   We will then hang out at Borders book store for awhile and browse the bookshelves to see if there is anything of interest.  We will probably spend the new years at church as they have a midnight service/get together so that sounds interesting.  Its better than getting drunk and driving thats for sure!!  We will also be stopping at Walmart but not to shop but to do some walking as its like 10 degrees here and to cold to walk outside.  I need to continue my walking even if its for just a few laps around the huge super walmart!!

I will update this blog later in the day with what I have eat but here is what I have eaten so far:

Breakfast…1 slice of toast with peanut butter and a glass of skim milk

December 30 No I didnt forget

Yes I know its late today but its been a little busy at work and have not really had a chance to get on here and make my daily update.

I woke up today just physically tired.  I am not sure why but I could barely pull myself out of bed and by time I completed my 1 and a half hour drive to work I could not keep my eyes open.  But the good news is I parked a good distance away from the door and forced myself to walk the extra distance than I normally do.  I did also complate almost all of the same amount of walking I did yesterday so that is great news as well.  I am learning to force myself to do the walking even when I physically dont feel like I can finish the next step let alone the next 100 steps.  I keep thinking about the Olympic ice skaters who get up at 4 am and have to push themselves to be the best and I keep telling myself to be the best I need to push myself beyond what I feel I can do.  So here I am pushing myself and entering territory I have not been in for so many years.

Well here is the goods on todays eating:

Breakfast larger than normal bowl of Chex cereal and skim milk.  Not a double serving but I will call the calories a double serving just to keep me honest.  320 calories

Lunch….Bagel with cream cheese. Not sure of the calories but I assume almost 400.  I brought a can of soup with me but I just dont feel much like eating so I ate the bagel I brought with to eat on the way home.

I did purchase a small bag of potatoe skins later today. Yes I know another bad choice but we dont have anything at home thats “good” to eat but this one was not bad. 250 calories and only 1 gram of saturated fat.

I just dont feel like eating much today and I know I will not be stopping on the way home as I have no money!! LOL.  Dinner will be updated after I get home but I dont anticipate it being a very big dinner.

Editing this post to add the dinner menu from last night. I came home to find Sharon had made a great dinner and it was really nice.  We had backed porkchops, corn and some mashed potatoes.  I really dont know the calorie content but I am prett confident I came in under my 2000 calories for the day.

Monday December 29th…yeah yeah yeah I know……

Yes I know I missed some time this past weekend in my postings.   the missed time was not mostly trying to hide anything but more of a medical issue that I actually can get a doctors note for!! 

I woke up on Christmas day and felt a strange swelling in my mouth above where I have a tooth that is partially missing.  The swelling was something that I have felt in the past and pretty much disregarded it even though I have known for the last few years I needed to get this tooth pulled.  I do have insurance but the expensive co-pays have kept me from getting this procedure done.  As I woke up on the 26th the swelling did not go away and it had actually gotten so much worse that I called the dentist to find out my options. The dentist prescribed antibiotics and even though they gave me heartburn I began taking them.  The swelling increased with each passing hour and by Sunday morning it was obvious just by looking at me that my face had swollen badly.  Finally the antibiotics kicked in and the swelling started to go down by time I went to bed but this incident really took me “off my game” for the weekend.  I did have some pain and the pain killers that were prescribed to me made me very sleepy so I really didnt have much time to log my eating habits this weekend.

Today I have done very well so far.   I started my new habits today by coming in to work early and shocking each and every one of my co workers.  I then walked inside the building non stop for 20 minutes  and taking about 1000 “steps” and returned to my desk.  At lunch I once again walked for another 20 minutes and took an estimated 1000 steps. While a thousand steps does not seem like much, put 400 pounds on your back and take the thousand steps and see how it feels.  I actually feel great after taking these walks and  I want to get up to the 10000 steps per day that is recommended by my doctors.  It is my hope that by the end of the 60 in 60 plan I will be very close to this goal as well.  I will update this blog later today with my eating and exercise but as of right now all is going well.  Remember I am trying to stay well below 2000 calories consumed per day which is what my doctor has recommended for safe weight loss combined with exercise should produce a good amount of safe weight loss per week.

Breakfast…..small bowl of Rice Chex cereal with skim milk….about 160 calories

Lunch………left over spaghetti from last nights dinner….About 350 calories  very small homemade pumkin muffing..Calories?????

Nibbled on some pretzels I brought.  I believe there were about 2 servings and they are now gone.  200 Calories.

Dinner (if you can call it that)  I had some leftover stuffing (about 300 calories if you use the guidelines on a stovetop stuffing box)   I told ya we didnt have a whole lot of “good” stuff to eat until we go shopping on Friday.  I am literally stuck with starches but I am trying to limit that.

And half of a cinnamon roll which has to be 500 calories ( I know a terrible desicion but I said I would be honest on here)  Still I am at my 2000 calories per day limit.

I walked again on my break for about 10 minutes. Not sure how many steps but can only guess as to about 250 or so.  I need a pedometer so I can tell just how far i walked.  Maybe Saturday I will  be making this purchase.

I have to work better options into my diet but I will have to wait until this Friday when we go shopping to purchase items that are not just starchy but higher in proteins as well vegetables too.  But for right now I will have to try and limit the starches and work with what we currently have at home.

I will update this blog later today. Thanks for keeping me honest and for your encouragement.

I did update my dinner choices above and just wanted to add that I did walk at work before I left and added at least 700 more steps to my total for the day.  That puts me at about 25% of my eventual goal for the daily amount of walking.

So there it is.  I have started my routine and will the continue this routine for at least the next 3 months.   I promise that this blog will get more reader friendly as I continue updating my daily progress.

December 26th

As promised I am starting this whole accountability “thing” today and one of the things I will be doing is creating sizzling posts for everyone to read by listing my eating habits on a daily basis.  So as promised I am proceeding with listing what I have eaten each day and will update my posts throughout the day.  I know this will be boring and I apologize in advance but I think its something I need to do.  I will still make other posts but a daily listing like this one is a much needed evil in my life!  LOL

Breakfast….. small bowl of Rice Chex and some skim milk.  About 150 calories

Lunch……..Not really all that hungry but wanted something so I had a slice of bread with some peanut butter (about 300 calories) and a glass of milk (90 calories).

Now I wait to hear from the dentist as half my face is swollen because of a infected tooth and after he calls I will find someplace to walk today.  I need to get me some exercise.

I will update more later on today

Christmas is done…..now the work begins

Since my early childhood I anticipated the arrival of Christmas so much so that I could hardly sleep the weeks before the 25th of December.  Like most children I could not wait to see what Santa left me under the tree but I was always left with a sense of sadness after the packages were opened and the visitors had gone home for the evening.  I always felt a hollow and empty “let down” feeling and wanted to continue the holiday just a few more days but somehow it never happened.  This emptyness only increased in later years after the passing of my sister, grandma and father within a few short years of each other and the fact that our children had grown up and in my daughters case, left the nest causing the Christmas holiday to lose alot of its magic for me.  This year was a little different in that the daughter my wife gave up for adoption 18+ years ago has come to spend the holiday with us.  This is only the 2nd time we have ever met face to face but it has proved to be a enjoyable experience and her appearance has filled some of the emptyness I was certainly going to feel.  Sha has come and stayed for the week leading up to Christmas and has brought some fun and energy back into our lives at this most joyous time of the year.  I have certainly enjoyed her company and know I will be saddened when she leaves but knowing that she is in our lives and will continue to have a presence makes me feel somewhat better.

Christmas has also been somewhat bittersweet for me in that I have 2 grandchildren as well as  their parents I would love to spend the holidays with but because of circumstances we are not able to see them face to face.  I can only imagine what kind of celebration we would have if we could all get together for Christmas and continue many of the traditions we started when the kids were young and introduced them to a new generation.  The hollowness I am feeling I am sure would be somewhat filled by the love and laughter of those little guys and would really make the season sparkle once again given the opportunity.  I know sometime in the future this celebration will be a possibility but until then I can only imagine their giggles when they spy the gifts left under the tree by the old man dressed in red early on that December 25th.

If it sounds like I am a little down it would be because I am.  Christmas always does this to me and I find myself really missing the ones I have lost or not able to spend time with on a regular basis.  I see the pain in others eyes and I know how good I really do have it but I cant help but to feel the hurt as well.   My dad always used to say that time heals all wounds but I almost feel like there are wounds deep within me that will not heal.  Why am I saying all this you ask?  Well for one it helps me to get through this time of year but another reason is normally I would eat my sorrows away.  I would run to food as a way to comfort me and I am now faced with the cold hard reality that starting tomorrow I will be accountable to each and every person who reads this blog as well as to others that have been praying for and encouraging me these last 6 months.  No longer can I hide in the dark while consuming hundreds of empty calories but now I must stay in the light for all to see my successes and failures.  This is a task that frankly scares me but I know I need to do for my own personal health as well as for the health and well being of my loved ones.

As I sit at the dining room table watching the clock wind down on another Christmas I find myself being excited for tomorrow and scared all at once.  I will have successes and I will have failures.  I will try to limit the failures but I want to make everyone proud of me.  My promise is to eat right and whenever possible choose the best possible options in terms of what I eat even if I have to eat something I have never tried before.  I promise to break the 10000 step per day mark by the end of the 60 days.  I promise to lose weight and I promise not to bore you with any more rambling posts like this one.  I promise to make you proud of me and to win your respect.  I just ask for your encouragement.  I think there are going to be days that I will be needing it.

While tomorrow does not officially start the 60 in 60, it does start the accountability portion of my plan.  This should get real interesting!!

Merry Christmas everyone and thank you for listening to me tonight!

What the heck was I thinking??

60 in 60? What was I thinking?????????

 
Ok, no I am not backing out of my grand plan for 60 pounds lost in 60 days. It sounded great at the time and it still sounds great but when I actually thought of the work that will go into meeting this goal I think I almost had a panic attack and nearly ran for a box of Little Debbies to calm my nerves!! (Don’t worry…I havn’t bought a box of those in a long time…almost did but didn’t!)

 
Thinking back I realized how many pounds a week I would have to lose to make this goal. 7.5 pounds per week needs to be lost and 210,000 calories need to be burned to lose that amount of weight. Think about that…..210,000 calories????? Geez, that’s a lot of calories. Well to be honest at least I know what I am up against. This is probably one of the hardest things I have challenged myself to do. I have never pushed myself to accomplish anything but with this goal I have laid it out in front of everyone for all to see my failures or my victories!! I cannot back down now and I am glad I have this blog and the people who read it to keep me honest. No backing down now. Scared of failure, yes. Backing down from a challenge…Nope!

 
I told my wife about my grand plans and as I thought she would she did roll her eyes as she has heard all of my previous schemes and ideas and knows me well enough that if the scheme involves something where I have to push myself it probably wont get done. I talk a good game but actions are somewhat lacking. I explained to her that I am starting this whole deal on January 1st and she looked me right in the eye in typical wife fashion and said “Why wait? Start now!”   I stammered and mumbled something about Christmas and cookies and holidays and once again I received the look of skepticism and I realized right there, in the Wal Mart parking lot, that my beautiful wife was right. Why was I going to wait 2 more weeks when I could get a jump start on this challenge.

 
Starting the day after Christmas, December 26th 2008 I will start recording the items and as close to their calorie content as I can right here on this blog. I will do this on a daily basis and update the blog throughout the day as I add to the list of items I have consumed. While I know this will make for some very boring reading for anyone who is brave enough to read my ramblings, it will serve as a way to keep me honest with my eating and allow me to see the kinds of crap I have actually eaten and find ways to make better and more healthy food choices. Now anyone who knows me knows that my diet has consisted of starches, sweets and fast food. Making good food choices has never been one of my strong points and is probably the reason why I am now writing in a blog about being a 500 pound man! I know I need to change and for this reason I am laying out my eating habits for all to see so I can be shamed into making better choices. Yes it has come to this!!

 
I will also be weighing in on a weekly basis starting on January 3rd and will take a picture of the scale reading in another attempt to keep myself honest. While not as dramatic as the weight lose “reveals” on the TV show The Biggest Loser, I am anticipating these losses to be still very exciting or depressing for me depending on the outcome.
The official 60 in 60 will begin on January 1st but the diet jump start will happen for me on December 26th. Hopefully next year I will look back at this challenge as the Christmas present I gave myself with a huge weight loss as the gift.

I hope everyone who reads this has a very Merry Christmas and thank you all for following my journey, no matter how boring my ramblings have been. See you on the 26th!!

A new goal….60 in 60

t seems that the last 2 months have been really tough for me in terms of weight loss. To be honest I am so bored coming on this blog and saying that I am struggling with my weight loss or the weight loss is slow in coming blah blah blah. I have gotten to the point where I feel like I have lost my focus and have done nothing to keep this weight loss journey going at a steady pace and that drastic changes need to take place. Although I have not gained weight back I know I have not lost weight either.

I have been reading a blog from a brother of a co-worker and he has inspired me as he has tried to lose 100 pounds in one hundred days (http://100days100pounds.blogspot.com/). He has had pretty good success at losing the weight even without lap band surgery and I started to think about how I was feeling currently. I am easily bored. Seriously. I tend to get bored easily and, although not bored with the weight loss I have been losing focus which leads me eventually to boredom. I don’t want to gain any weight back and I am tired of telling people I have not lost any weight since November so I have needed something to hold my interest and constantly challenge me. I have looked into support groups and other methods of motivation but the one that really gets me excited is the 60 in 60. Simply put I pledge to lose 60 pounds in 60 days.

One of my goals when I started this journey was to stand at my doctor’s office one year later and actually say I was 100 pounds lighter. It was February of 2008 when I went to my 1st doctors appointment and stood with my wife outside the office and said to her ” I just cannot imagine standing here in one year being a hundred pounds lighter” and that simple statement is now my rallying cry. Starting January 1st my goal will be to lose 60 pounds by March 1st making my dream become a reality. (I actually will be over 100 pounds lost when I drop the 60 but my dream will still be realized!) This will be no easy task but to be honest nothing in life worth having is ever easy. I will have to push myself more than I ever have before and eat differently than I ever have before. Just as I was so ready for the lap band surgery to change my life I am so ready for this challenge to continue changing my life. I will pattern my 60 days pretty close to the co-workers brother with a few exceptions. He worked out like a mad man at a health club because he could afford it. I just don’t have the money to be able to go to a club everyday so I will have to rely on walking inside my work building and outside as the weather permits. Otherwise I am pretty confident I will be successful in this goal and it will provide the motivation I need mentally to step up my weight loss pace and get this weight off of me.

I intend to update this blog on a daily basis using the blog as a way to “keep me honest” and have some accountability. I know there are people who read this blog who will help to keep me honest and know when I am BS’ing and when I am not. I will daily post what I have eaten and the amount of exercise I have completed. Hopefully I will have a pedometer by the start of the new year which will help me keep a accurate record of the walking I have done on a daily basis. Now that my wife has a digital camera I will actually post pictures on a weekly basis of the scale readings again as a way to keep me honest. As I sit here and write I am finding myself excited about this challenge and even more excited for the fact that at the end of the 60 days I will be well over 100 pounds lost and will have met my 1st major goal of 100 pounds lost in my 1st year since I started this journey. Just wait to you see my next motivational tool after March 1st!! That one scares me! LOL

Biggest loser?

As I sat in my chair last night I was flipping channels and came across the TV show “The Biggest Loser”.  If you are not familiar with this show, this is a show where they bring together a number of greatly overweight people and work them out in controlled gym settings and track their weight loss.  Each week one contestant is eliminated if they lose the least amount of weight of all the contestants in the prevous weeks time.

As I sat and watched this show I reflected back to 2 years ago when I sat and watched the Biggest Loser marathon that was run on a cold and dreary Sunday in the middle of winter.  I watched these rather large people lose incredible amounts of weight while I literally cried my eyes out with a bowl of ice cream in my hand.  I felt so hopeless at the time and the tears were not tears of joy for the competitors but tears of sadness for the hopelessness I was feeling.  At that time I could not get my insurance company to pay for the weight loss surgery I was pursuing and I felt that i was doomed to a life of being fat and overweight with no hope of my life changing.  I knew at the time that I was losing my wife, my family and even my own life but I just could never seem to get it in my head how to lose the weight on my own.  I saw my life slowly slipping away and as I watched the “losers” on tv I found myself more and more jeolous with each pound they dropped. At the time my cynical mind reasoned that anyone can lose that much weight if they had personal trainers and state of the art gym equipment at their beck and call 24 hours a day.  As I shoveled more ice cream into my mouth I just assumed weight loss was never going to happen for me.

Watching this show 2 years later and after having the weight loss surgery I was suprised at my reaction last night.  I wasnt eating ice cream this time but a baked chicken breast with some potatoes on the side.  I didnt have a feeling of helplessness but a feeling that I had a large boot kicking my backside and it was “encouraging” me to get going and stop messing around.  I realized that the weight loss the contestants were experiencing was also well within my grasp and that I can actually have a life and live it to the fullest.  I feel that watching the show has refocused me once again as I have gotten complacent and happy with a small weight loss every few weeks.  I am now tired of the nearly 60 pounds I have lost and want to tell people that I have lost 70, 80, 90 and even hundred pounds but this will not come without hard work.  I am no different than those “losers” on the TV show and this can actually happen for me.  My personality is such that I need frequent butt kickings so its good that shows like this are on the air to at least show me what I am missing and how my life can be different.  Needless to say “The Biggest Loser” will be one of my cant miss shows each week from now on.  The energy boost it gives me really helps to refocus my priorities and helps to keep me on the path to my weight loss journey.

Let the pigout fest begin……….or at least control it!

I have started and stopped this entry to my blog so many times in the last week or so because I just could not put my feelings about the coming holiday exactly as I wanted them to be.  I have been looking forward to and dreading the Thanksgiving holiday for a while now.  I remember one of the 1st thoughts I had when I even considered the lap band weight loss surgery was whatever would I do on Thanksgiving.  Would I eat like a sow and toss it all back up or would I spend the day depressed as I watched my family shovel food into their faces while I sat with my small piece of turkey and a carrot for a side item.  Funny thing is I am no longer worried about those issues.

Thanksgiving for me has not always been about the meal but what led up to it.  Early morning Thanksgiving day parade watching that usually included some sort of coffee cake or pastry because a “full breakfast” would ruin one’s appetite for dinner.  After the parade, football usually started and who can watch football without a bowl of chips or cheese and crackers all washed down by a Pepsi or 7-up while the game is played.  Then came the dinner and the desserts and then the nibbling followed by a much needed nap!  Thanksgiving was always about the food and that will probably never change but this year it will be different for me.

Since there will only be a few of us gathered for this years dinner and there is no real need to go overboard with the pre meal munching.  I intend to cut down drastically or just not have any of the crackers and cheese and various other goodies that have been served the previous holidays.  Since I have never been one to really eat alot at the dinner, eating right should not really be a issue as turkey and other items are not bad for a person if eaten in the right amounts.  I plan on watching my portions and will not allow myself to go overboard on the items that can be bad such as potatoes, bread and other starchy or high fat dishes.  Dessert will be another story but since there will only be 2 pies served it should not be hard to resist the temptation to gorge myself on these items as well.

For the 1st time in years I am confident that eating on Thanksgiving will not destroy my diet and I can actually enjoy the day for what it is,  giving thanks to God for what he has blessed us with, and not for stuffing myself full and sleeping the rest of the day away. 

I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving and a good start to the holiday season.  Remember to eat right, get some exercise and enjoy your family and friends.  Cherish the moment!!

WoooooHooooooooo

As planned I went and weighed in at the doctors office this morning.  I usually go to my regular doctors office on Saturday mornings as his portion of the clinic is closed but they let me sneak in and weigh myself.  This morning I walk in to find about 5 women sitting in his waiting room and find a OB doctor has taken over the office for the day.  Talk about awkward, I had to run the gauntlet of pregnant women and explain to the nurse who I was and what I was doing.  I always get funny looks from the nurses who have never seen me before and today was no exception.

Well, As promised here are the results.  I last weighed in 2 weeks ago and found that I had gained 5 pounds while my wife was out of town.  I was so mad at myself and promised I would take the weight off that I had gained.  For the last 2 weeks I have watched what I ate and walked more and more at work during lunches and breaks.  The result was that I have lost the weight I gained AND taken 2 more pounds off.  Yes a 7 pound weight loss!!!!!!  I expected 2-4 pounds to be lost but never guessed it would be 7 pounds.  This gives me hope that if I step up the exercise some more and watch what I am eating even closer I can see another 7 pound weight loss when I weigh in 2 more weeks.  The only issue is Thanksgiving is in less that 2 weeks and I will just have to contain myself and prepare in advance.  Either way my goal is another 7 pound loss in 2 weeks which will put me at 60 pounds lost total.

I am still upset with myself in that I should have been at a 60 pound loss long ago and I was just stupid and satisfied with 1-2 pounds loss each weigh in period.  With the size I am I should have been dropping 5 pounds a week for a good long time and I messed that up.  My new renewed goal is a 3-5 pound loss per week with a goal of 80 total pounds lost by New Years Day.  This is a goal that is very realistic and attainable.

Well off now to take care of a sick wife and to try and winterize the apartment some.  Its a day filled with “honey-do’s” thats for sure.  I just have to remember the more I move and keep busy I am burning calories and that means weight loss as long as I dont stuff my my face with crappy food.

Walking.. yes indeed I’m talking…….

After writing last weeks post I actually received some words of encouragement from someone who reads this blog who is also fighting their weight but she is doing it the normal way, no lap band surgery.  She is on insulin and her situation with the insulin makes me think back to my dad and the fact that he was on insulin for many years of his life.  Just thinking about how my dad had to give himself a shot or 2 everyday makes me really want to lose this weight and I know that is a big motivation for the reader Leeann.  I am not sure there is a better motivational tool than seeing someone you care about having to give themselves a shot 2 times a day and knowing that unless huge changes are made….that will be apart of your life as well.  After just going through halloween we really didnt need all that candy in the house since our kids are older and we didnt get any trick or treaters.  The smart thing would have been to take the candy to work but instead I helped consume some of it which helped with my weight gain.  I need to remember my dad and also remember others like Leeann who are fighting the weight issue AND having the diabetes and insulin factor thrown into the mix.  I need to thank God that I am not having to worry about 2 a day shots right now but also know that unless I continue to lose weight, insulin will be a unwelcome visitor in my life.  For the record Leeann has lost 13 pounds and she should be proud of herself!!  Keep it up !!!  I will be cheering you on!!

My title of this post is from an old Jerry lee Lewis song that for some reason I always seem to remember when I am out walking.  And these past 2 weeks I have made sure to take time during my lunch to walk the massive halls of the building I work in as well as taking the time after work to do the same thing.  Its now almost too cold to walk outside so I needed someplace to walk and realized there is no better walking track than the long halls here at work.   I have been able to find offices in this building I never knew existed and realized that my company has a television studio deep in the bowels of the basement.  Why they have this studio I have no clue but its there!  Combining this walking with the trek I now have to get to and from my car in the parking garage I am putting alot of miles under my feet.  I will start ramping up the amount of time I am walking because I really want to try and reach one of my goals of walking a 3 or 5K in the summer of 09.  I know a 3 or 5K does not sound like a huge goal but for me it is since I used to get terrified if I had to walk to the mailbox.  I think back on how far I have come I really get excited and think forward and know that it will only continue to get better and better!

Weighing in this Saturday so I will update this blog with my success or failure…I will hide nothing!! LOL  Lets hope for success or at least the loss of the weight i put back on recently.

Dont let anyone ever tell you this is the easy way!!

Wow I cannot believe its been more than I month since I last posted.  I have been bogged down with school work that is now completed for the semester as well as regular work.  I have not had a chance to come on here and post anything as I have been so busy.  My wife was also out of town for 4 weeks since my last post which has given me time to cross some items off the “honey-do” list while she has been visiting my daughter and her family in Maryland.  Yes, I also worked for the losing team this fall in trying to get a president elected but the experience I gained was definitly worth it.  Its been a fun and interesting fall and I am looking forward to the spring time and the renewal of everything…………I hate winter!!  Can you tell???

I titled this post “Dont let anyone ever tell you this is the easy way” because I had heard from many people that they felt that the lap band surgery was the easy way out in terms of weight loss when compared to normal hard work weight loss.  I even felt some guilt and said a few times to my wife that I really wish I could have lost weight the normal way instead of taking this route but I now have come to the realization that I was a freaking idiot for thinking this way. 

Going into this surgery I just assumed that weight would fall off with a minimum amount of effort on my part but I could not have been farther from the truth.  I jumped on the scale 2 weeks ago for the 1st time in a month and….I am not proud of this fact… but I found I had gained back 4 pounds.  I seriously got off the scale and in shocked disbelief I wrote the new weight down in my book where I record my weights.  Now I knew I had not been eating well and knew I had not been exercising well either but in the past I still lost some weight.  This time the weigh in produced a different outcome and it quite honestly sent me into shock and a bit of a depression. It was here that reality smacked me square in the face and I finally realized that this weight loss journey would not be a breeze but a uphill walk into hurricane force winds.

I feel as if I have let everyone down who has believed in me through this weight loss surgery. I have let myself down most of all and allowed myself to get back into some bad habits that if left unchecked can and will put me right back into the same boat I was when I started this whole thing.  I know too that this is the reason why I hadnt blogged all this time because I just didnt want to admit to myself let alone anyone else who might read this that I messed up and took a huge step backwards.  But in the interest of being honest and real with myself and everyone else watching my progress I had to put in this blog the real story.

well there it is…. I was honest…..and I do feel terrible.  No excuses (although I have thought of thousands!) and no blame. Its my fault plain and simple.  So where do I go from here???

I am going back to the basics.  No drinking liquids with meals…watching my calories and my intake.  I have started walking  again and find I have really missed walking as much as I did previously.  I am determined to lose the weight I gained back and more determined to keep losing.  I will not be one of those who gains back all the weight I lost. I have worked too hard for this and will not lose this battle to food.  It helps me even more knowing that my wife has lost nearly 20 pounds since she left on her 4 week trip and we are both trying to keep the mementum going.

I am not going to weigh in this weekend as I want to give myself a really good jump start on this weight loss.  Next weekend will be the 1st time I weigh in since I found I gained the extra weight back and will be sure to report back on how much I have lost!!  I will make everyone proud of me again and make myself proud of me too!!

You can definitly tell its fall now!

I woke up this morning and after a quick shower I went to my car and realized that it was cold outside.  I passed a bank and saw that the flashing clock showed it was a frosty 39 degrees this morning and could not help but cringe at the thought that winter was barreling around the corner.  I love fall but winter is just the worst as I have a huge commute to and from work everyday and snow only makes this commute worse.  The cold also has a tendency to drive people inside to hibernate for the winter and with that hibernation, weight is usually packed on because of lack of exercise.   This is my main concern as the cold starts to set in.  I have been doing most of my walking outside but when the snow flies it will make this walking pretty much difficult here in southern Wisconsin.  We really dont have any sidewalks where we live and the streets are almost never cleaned of snow and ice so from December to March there is usually a icy sheet on the pavement that prevents good driving let alone walking.  I have looked into some health clubs that have walking tracks but they are wanting 60 dollars or more per month for the priviledge of sweating inside their building.  At this point it seems my only option is having security follow me around at Wal Mart, wondering why I am doing laps inside their store everynight or walking inside the building at work for a half hour each day after work.  I think this is my only option at this point but I am open to suggestions.

Its been a few weeks since I last blogged here but my typical boring life has not changed.  My back has finally started to feel better and I am actually able to be more active.  I feel like I have fallen off the wagon because of my back pain I was unable to walk much and it seems I sat around and ate a whole lot more than I should have. Now I am not eating a ton of stuff and compared to what I used to eat my current intake is probably about a third of what my normal daily intake of calories used to be.   Despite this laziness and lack of control of eating I have lost another 5.5 pounds bringing my weight loss total to 51 pounds since I started this journey.

MY wife will be visiting our daughter and family in Maryland for about a month or possibly more.  Why she is out in Maryland we have both taken a vow that we will work our tails off to lose weight and try and shock each other when we see each other again.  She has some weight that needs to be lost and hopefully my daughter will help her with this weight loss by not eating too much fast food and eating good things while she is out there.  And hopefully she will also encourage my wife to get out of the house and do some walking with the grandkids in order to drop some much needed weight that she has put on since her cancer battle almost 6 years ago.  I am going to increase my walking and come home every night and prepare a good meal that is filled with “good stuff” and not rely on frozen pizzas and pop tarts like I would normally do.  I would love to be down an additional 25 pounds when my wife returns which would put me at over 75 pounds weight loss. 

I was talking with my wife the other day about the weight I have already lost.  I am down 2 pant  sizes and most of my clothes that I wore at my highest weight are now starting to hang on me so much that even co workers are telling me to buy some new clothes.  A year ago a 50 pound weight loss was something that would only make me cry as I never thought this day would actually come. Now I find myself making plans for next summer because I know i will be under 400 pounds for the 1st time in 10+ years and I will be able to move around and be active and not just watch others have fun.  I am looking forward to camping and going to a 5 day concert in Oshkosh, Wisconsin as well as potentially doing some traveling with my wife.  Going to baseball games and other forms of entertainment is something I just would never let myself dream about but now it will be a possibility.  Next summer will be a summer of new experiences and a ne wme.  I cant actually wait but I have alot of work between them and now to do.  I would like to be down 150 pounds by then and i will have to get my butt in gear to make those changes.

This journey was started to document my life before and after my lap band surgery.  I need to totally get back on the program and start taking this weight off at a more steady pace.  Although I am taking weight off I cant help but think I could be so much farther ahead than I am right now.  One of the things I need to do is call the doctor and make an appointment to have the lap band “filled” which will restrict even more food and keep me from eating more than I should.  Once again I feel myself falling into bad habits and have to stop what I am doing right now and correct these habits before they get out of hand.  While my wife is out of town i will concentrate on correcting these bad habits and throw my weight loss into high gear and make sure I finish this journey and not go back the other way.  And here is hoping that my wife will also jump back on the bandwagon while she is gone and shock me when we next see each other.

I feel better and they almost fit….well kinda!!

After a lost weekend brought on by muscle relaxors and very good pain pills, my back is actually feeling better and I think I can continue my walking and weight loss.  The pain I felt from my back kept me from doing just about anything and only today do I feel better and I am looking forward to some walking this weekend.

As any fat person will tell you we all have a stash of clothes that we have purchased over the years and for one reason or another never fit.  These new clothes sit in the deep dark recesses of our closet because we dont want to get rid of them and swear someday they will fit.  When I started this journey i actually dug out this pile of clothes that I stashed away and found that I had various sizes of jeans that should fit me for several size changes as I lose this weight.  I started out at size 64 and probably should have been a size 66.  (gulp.. I actually wrote size 64!!) I am currently in a size 62 and had the courage to bring out the next size in my jean parade, a size 60.  A month ago I tried the 60’s on and they were not budging over my more than ample butt.  I was reminded of this dissapointment as I picked up these jeans from the corner of the closet where they layed rumpled and in the same location I kicked them off after being upset they didnt fit the last time.  Once again I picked these same jeans up and got the courage to give them another try.  I slipped one leg on and tried hard to put the other leg in but had a difficult time because now my back was starting to let me know the pain pills were wearing off.  I sat on the bed and finally pulled the other leg on and slowly stood up.  As I inched the jeans higher there was serious doubts in my mind if they would make their destination or have to be surgically removed from my body.  As the jeans neared the mark where they last failed, I took a deep breath and gave them a swift yank upward and once again exhailed.  To my ultimate shock the jeans made it over the mountains and had only one more stop to make for complete success.  Once again I breathed deeply and gave another upward yank and to my astonishment the jeans made it to their final location….and then I exhaled! Yes they were tight and yes they were uncomfortable but they were around my waist, or what passes as a waist for me.

I have now placed these jeans in a place where I will see them every day and will only encourage me more to lose that additional 20 or so pounds that will allow me to retire my size 62’s and jump with both feet into the 60’s.   I just dont want to think about those 58’s that are now sitting in the corner just mocking me!!!

It Hurts real bad!

After weighing in last week and starting the week off great by taking a nice walk, I got up Sunday morning and did some lounging around the house.  While getting up from the couch I bent over to pick up a pillow and then I felt something “twinge” in my lower back.  I didnt feel all that bad at the time but it seemed to get worse as the week went by,  It was so bad that I actually went to the doctors office to have it looked at on Thursday.  He felt it was nothing more than a muscle strain and sent me on my way with some pain pills and he told me to take it easy the next few weeks.

Friday morning brought even more pain but I had to go to work as there was  a special project happening that I needed to be there for.  I toughed it out and got home and took the pain meds the doctor had prescribed for me the day before.  After 3 hours it was apparent to me that the pain meds were not even making a dent into the lower back pain I was experiencing and it was going to be a long night.  I was up all night and alternated between trying to sleep in the living room chair and going on WebMD trying to diagnose my own ailment.    Could it be a kidney stone or a bowel obstruction?  I think I looked up every potential ailment with the exception of pregnancy, which I was pretty positive I did not have!

About 9 am I called up stairs and woke my wife up begging her to take me to the emergency room because the pain was just too much.  We arrived at the hospital and were quickly rushed into the emergency room where it was determined that my vital signs were very normal.  (the doctors are still trying to figure out how a man my size can have blood pressure of 128 over 70!)  The doctor came in and examined me and determined that I really didnt have a kidney stone or any other ailment that I was convinced I had. It appears it is nothing more than a muscle strain and the only thing I can do is relax and take some really good pain meds.

So most of this weekend has been lost in a prescription drug induced sleep but the bright side is my back does feel better.  I am just concerned how I will feel when the pain meds actually wear off!!  So if this post does not make alot of sense its because I am still somewhat loopy and trying to put a few sentences together that make sense.

Because of my back situation I was unable to do any exercise this week and I am sure any amount of weight loss just did not happen either.  As soon as my back feels better I will be back at it and losing more weight at a more rapid pace.  My wife will be heading out for a extended vacation to see our daughter and the old/new grandkids which will leave me alone for a number of weeks.  I am determined that when she comes back and I pick her up from the airport she will look at me and her jaw will drop and see a noticable difference in my weight.  The time away will be somewhat upsetting but she is going out to Maryland for a good cause and it will also give me the time I need, alone, to address my continual weight loss.

Well its time to take some more pain meds nd lay down and wait for them to hit me.  Hopefully this back ache will be gone by the end of the week and I can get back to walking pain free and losing more weight.

How long has it been?

I had a quick minute to stop by and type some witty comments here on my blog and I cant believe its been 2 weeks since I last stopped by.  So I will spare you the witty comments and just apologize up front as I am probably going to ramble.

In my boring life there is not really much to mention.  Labor day weekend was adventurous as my wife and I had a chance to attend the county fair that was located not far from us.  This is the largest county fair in Wisconsin and I would venture to guess just about any kind of garbage food you could find was located withing the fenced in fair grounds.  Now let me tell you, a fat man walking through the food area at a county fair will draw some stares and I have to admit that I was a little self conscious of this fact which helped me refrain from eating just about anything that didnt move (or MOO!).  Being in Wisconsin, one of the normal fair items offered for eating was grilled corn on the cob.  Fair goers who purchase this corn walk around with a ear of corn in their hand that has been grilled and the corn husk pulled down to form of a “handle” to make the eating easier. This grilled corn is then dunked into a large coffee can that is located on the grill and filled with what else?  melted Wisconsin butter.  It gets to the point where you are almost afraid to walk around and bump into people because they usually have butter dripping  from their elbows which makes for a bit of a messy afternoon walking in the crowd. 

The other most popular Wisconsin fair edible is something known as a cream puff.  Although fried cheese is a huge hit the cream puff is probably the most popular item that was for sale at this years fair.  The cream puff is a basic puff type pastry sliced in 2 sections and piled high with rich Wisconsin real sweet cream.  It was sold in singles or you can purchase “to go pack” of 4-6 cream puffs which were very popular with people as they were leaving. 

So you ask why I am bringing this up and going into detail about the food that was offered?   Because I didnt have any!!  I am not looking for a pat on my back but Sharon and I had to man a booth for a local non profit agency and it was located smack in the middle of the food midway.  I told Sharon that if I make it out of the fair without being on sugar overload I would consider it a success.  I actually had 3 bites of a very greasy (but good) corn dog and a handful of kettle corn but that was about it.  I consider it a moral victory that I didnt go nuts and topple over the funnel cake trailer in search of some fried morsel that was missed by the clean up crew.  We actually had a great time and it was nice to enjoy the fair without having the “food issue” hanging over my head.

On Labor day I dragged Sharon to a minor league baseball game held not to far from where we live.  I expected a huge crowd as this team usually draws fairly well but it appears the heat kept many people away which left about 200 of us die hard baseball fans to watch this meaningless baseball game.  It was a very warm day and we snuck up to the seating area that had a roof over it which shielded us from the suns rays which only made it feel like 90 degrees at that point.  I mentioned peanuts and beer to Sharon and to my surprise she said I should go get some.  I said “what peanuts?”  and she said, “yeah peanuts and beer”.Now for anyone who knows Sharon knows beer is not something she ever drinks but it just so happened to be dollar beer day so I came back with 2 beers and a large bag of peanuts for 5 bucks.  Talk about a cheap date!! 

Sharon also discovered large ice cream bars.  Now when I say large I mean LARGE as these are probably 3-4 times the size of normal ice cream bars you buy in the store.  We sat and watched a 2 year old trying to wrap her mouth around one of these cold treats and Sharon decided she needed one right away, because of the heat of course.  We went down to the vendor and purchased one of these treats and proceeded to be amazed as Sharon pulled it out of its package and realized just how huge this ice cream bar really was.  I took a few bites but Sharon made quick work of it as we watched the Beloit team lose to a team from Iowa in a bad way.

Throughout the game the team was giving out a number of team related souveniers to what was left of the crowd.  Baseballs, t shirts and even thunder sticks were given away to help clear the teams warehouse for a fresh crop of souveniers for next years give aways.  As we were leaving Sharon gathered up many of the items that we were given and put on her new hat that I bought for her earlier at the teams gift shop.  She decided that she wanted one more ice cream bar since we will not be able to get them until next year of course.  I went ahead and waited for her by the exit of the stadium and looked back to see her heading my way.  In what has to be the cutest mental image of my wife I will ever have, I saw my wife looking like a little child leaving the ball game.  She had a new hat on her head and a ton of souveniers that she was trying her best to hold on to.  She was also holding another HUGE ice cream bar in her hand and just looked like the little kid that spent the day at the ballgame with her parents and was given anything she wanted that day.  She looked up and had a wide smile on her face and it was that moment I wished I had my camera with me to record how she looked at that very moment.  I am sure words cannot describe what I felt at that moment but I just wanted to gather her up and hold her and not let that minute ever pass.  I believe this was the best weekend we had with each other in so many years. Sharon even said it felt like we were dating again and she hit the nail dead on.  At that point in time we were not just husband and wife but 2 people who also really enjoyed each others company that whole weekend.  It was one of those weekends you hope would never end.

I bring all of this up because after the ballgames and  the fair as well as some cookouts and other labor day munching…I still lost 2 pounds!!  I went to weigh in on Saturday and as I approached the scale I was tempted to not get on it as I was sure I didnt lose any weight and even possibly gained some.  I thought back to the last week and realized I had not eaten all that badly and I did walk alot at the fair and the ball game so i did get some exercise in.  As I stepped on the scale and the bright red numbers showed a 2 pound loss the look of shock I am sure spread across my face.  I pumped my fist in the air and recorded the new weight in my little book I have in our van.  I then headed to the local park and did some walking and was more determined to make this next weigh in a huge weight loss..if only we dont find out where they sell those HUGE ice cream bars!!

3 pounds and counting

I had a chance to weigh in this last weekend and the result was a total of 3 pounds lost since my last weigh in.  This brings my total weight loss to 45 pounds which is just 5 shy of my 1st weight loss goal.  When I started this whole process I told myself once I lose 50 pounds I will know that I can actually do this weight loss thing and allow myself to dream of a smaller me.  The last 5 pounds has been a struggle for me mainly because my head has been getting back into the old ways of thinking and therfore the old ways of eating.  I have been able to reason with myself that a little cheating was ok and that I could work off the calories from what I ate and have no problems losing weight.  I have also not been walking as much as I did earlier in the weight loss journey which has contributed to a slower and less productive weight loss for me.  3 pounds is always great and many people have told me that I should not be too hard on myself and that a “loss is a loss” but I know I could have done alot better.  I should be at the 50 pound mark by now but I am not and it is bothering me.  This is bothering me so much that I gave myself a mental butt kicking and need, not want, but NEED to get back doing what I was doing when I was losing weight at a higher rate.  I need to quit messing around and kidding myself that cheating…even a little is ok and get back to my exercise routine and avoid situations that will give me a opportunity to cheat.  This past weekend we had special company stay with us so we all ate slightly worse than we should have but I cannot allow myself to fall back into that mental trap  of allowing myself to eat the wrong things because band or no band….I still can gain this weight back and be right where I started. 

They say the camera does not lie and I found this to be true yesterday when I found some old rolls of film that were sitting around the house and had them developed.  Scenes from last Christmas and the holidays showed me that i am freaking HUGE.  Not fat but Huge.  lets call it what it is….HUGE…FAT….OBESE.   I think the average person who is overweight does not get a true sense of their size until they see themselves in photos or on videotape.  Again you could lie to yourself and say that the camera adds on a extra 10 pounds but for me at this point 10 pounds is a drop in the bucket!!  Once the average big person sees themselves in photos they will avoid having their picture taken because they just dont want to deal with the pain that is caused by seeing yourself as you really are… a large unhappy person.  I have been in this position more years than I care to admit and yesterday, seeing myself in those photos was only made slightly better by telling myself I am now 45 pounds smaller than when these photos were taken.  Even with the loss of 45 pounds I am still immense and now the need to lose weight has been reinforced even more.  I have actually taken my “fat picture” and have placed it on my computer at work to remind me of where I started and in all reality where I still am at this point in my life.  I want to use it as a motivational tool to remind me that I need to take a walk at my lunch hour instead of surfing the internet and also to remind me that my lunch should be a healthy one and not some crappy food choice.  If I have to sit and look at the fat me all day while at work I will have that image burned into my head as I head home for the day and will not be tempted to stop and cheat.  These photos have come to me at a pivitol time in my weight loss journey as it has once again fired me up at a point when I was getting comfortable with life again, and we all know that getting comfortable leads to falling back into old ways.  I never want to be comfortable again.  I want to continually challenge myself and not let my old ways of thinking creep back into my mind which would lead me astray and back into destructive behavior.  I just have to keep my eye on what I am doing and realize  what lies ahead of me after all the weight I need to lose is off of me.  I have to realize and remember that nothing but great things are ahead of me and that the second half of my life can be a thousand times better than what I had in the first half of my life.  Better jobs, better relationships with people who care about me, amusement parks, ball games, airplane rides to see grandkids are all things I need to continually remind myself  are ahead of me if I only can stop this destructive behavior.  I am confident i can do it but sometimes I just need a mental kick in the pants. 

This week I am back to half turkey sandwiches and rice cakes for lunch.  Rice cakes…gotta love rice cakes…especially the chocolate ones!!  mmmmmm

Is it Friday again??? why do I want until the end of the week???

Yep here it is…another Friday and another promise to not talk about eating struggles on the weekend.  We are due to have one of those weekends here in the midwest that you only dream about in January while enduring -20 degree windchills.  85 degrees, sunny and humid ensures my electric meter will be spinning fast enough to slice meet on it!  Complaining is not something I will do though as these kinds of days do not come around often and very shortly we will be raking leaves and wearing flannel outside. 

I did not weigh in last weekend so I am not sure what my progress has been in terms of weight loss.  I do plan on going tomorrow to the doctors office and will update this blog sometime this weekend with the outcome.  I have found myself walking more and more this last 2 weeks and I might actually hit my goal of walking a 5K earlier than next summer.  I just need to be more consistant in my walking routine and learn to take it easy on my body and not try to do to much at one time.  On Wednesday of this week I had alot of time on my hands at work and I would estimate I walked at least 2 miles total.  I could barely get out of bed the next day as my knees were just killing me so I need to get used to this exercise and not overdue it.

Really not much happening in my world this past week.  I am just trying to eat right and walk so I can take even more weight off.  I am finding the “eating right” portion of the weight loss equation is proving to be the toughest part to overcome.  I really dont like to come home and cook after working all day and my wife hates it even more so we are learning to do what we have to do to eat right.  My inlaws were over this past weekend and we made a chicken, asiago cheese and spinach sausage we picked up from Sam’s club a few weeks back.  (yes all of that combined in one sausage!) This sausage sounded disgusting at 1st but we tried it while at Sam’s and were really surprised how good it tasted. The sausage has a low amount of fat grams as well as low sodium which fit right into our diet guildlines so we bought it even though it was somewhat pricey for us!   The person doing the demo then said she put this sausage, that resembles real Wisconsin brats, in her sphagetti and I decided to try that method for the inlaws.  The sausage comes pre cooked but I did cook it a little in the skillet and tossed it into the sauce and simmered it for a half hour and them served it over angel hair pasta.   It was actually pretty good and very filling.  I took a small amount of pasta and one whole sausage and didnt finish either of them.  One mistake I made is making regular angel hair pasta and not looking for the whole wheat pasta that I have been reading about.  Since regular pasta is made from white flour it will turn to sugar quicker in the body which then turns to fat.  Whole wheat is digested differently and would have been a healthier choice for this dinner.  I have to keep reminding myself that I need to make better food choices and no longer choose the same old foods that got me to where I am at now….nearlry 500 pounds.  Choosing whole wheat pasta for this dish would have made it a even heathier alternative….but like I said, we are still learning. 

I have been trying to avoid white flour products and white breads and crackers in general based on what I read on the 50million pounds web site.  The white flour products are just not a good food choice and I have been trying to replace them with whole wheat breads or just not eat them at all.  My son works at a Panera bread and one of the side benefits of working there is occasionally they can bring home some unsold products for the family to enjoy.  Before my surgery we would meet him at the door like a puppy dog all in hopes he was carrying a bag with him and if he wasnt we would not talk to him the rest of the night.  (not really but it seemed that way! )  Bagels or cinnamon buns are some of the things he would bring but now that I have had the surgery I cant eat most of these things anymore.  This last Wednesday he did bring some bagels home and anyone that knows me knows that bagels are a weakness of mine and will even eat them plain with nothing on them.  I had a half of bagel late Wednesday night and woke up just feeling crappy and sluggish.   Like a idiot I then took one with me for the drive to work and could not figure out why I had no energy all day.  Like a light going off in my head I remembered that these heavy white bread products were being processed by my body which slowed me down for the day.  I am not a doctor (and dont even play one on TV) but I am sure that the sluggishness came from these bagels I was eating and contributed to my lack of energy.  Just like a overeater at a Thanksgiving feast I felt like I needed an nap the whole day.  I am slowly coming to the realization that i need to eliminate  this food group from my diet if my weight loss will be a success.  Its like saying goodbye to a old friend but its something I need to do or I will never lose all the weight i want to lose. 

Well time to get back to work and get some lunch.  Turkey on whole wheat….hold the mayo……and some baked lays chips.  Gotta love that turkey.  Pretty soon I will be sprouting feathers!!  Have a great weekend.

Nothing really……….Just Rambling

I feel like my blogs have had a Seinfeld feel to them in that there is a lot of words but no real point to anything I am saying.  I started this blog mainly to keep track of my progress after my weight loss surgery and never thought anyone else would take a interest in my mindless thoughts.  6 months after starting this blog started I see I have had over 300 hits and the traffic to the site has averaged 5-7 hits per day for the last month.  I am not sure who is reading my nonsense but thank you and I hope so far it has been somewhat enjoyable.  I am sure I have my daughter to thank for directing much of this traffic from her Myspace page and for that I am thankful.  Its funny that there are days I wake up thinking that maybe someday someone will see my blog and before I know it I will be on the Today show being interviewed by Matt Lauer and other days I think who really cares about what I have to say.  I have had thoughts of writing a book about what I have went through and I might actually try to start that one day soon.  If Seinfeld can do 14 years of TV about absolutely nothing why cant I write a book about a fat man losing weight and the problems that go with the journey!!

As I mentioned I started this blog mainly for myself and to keep track of where I have been but I have found the more I write the more I am in touch with myself and the blog provides a way for me to express myself as well.  I have also found that this blog is a source of inspiration and encourages me to continue the weight loss.  I know some people who really care about me are watching from a distance and I would hate to have to come on this site and admit that 4 weeks in a row I have not lost a ounce because I have gotten lazy. (this has not happened by the way!!)  So in a way this blog and the various readers are a source of inspiration to me.  I hope that in a small way maybe I will someday inspire others to take the step of faith and start their own weight loss journey or pursue something they thought they could never do and make it happen.

I have now arrived at the point where people can actually start seeing a difference in my size and now ask me if I am losing weight.  I used to be jealous of others when co-workers would comment on how good they look after a recent weight loss and only dreamed about how that would feel.  I now know that the feeling is nothing less than elation and something I want to continue to experience for quite some time.  The fact that your hard work is now being noticed by others makes one want to work extra hard as well as makes you pull out of the drive through lane after a moment of weakness and a craving for something you know you should not have.  There is nothing better to a fat man who is losing weight than to hear someone else tell you how good you look and that maybe “you should consider buying some new shirts as those are hanging on you now!!”  I don’t feel I am at that point right now but another 15 pounds of weight loss would really make me want to splurge on some new clothes, at least for the fall season anyway.

As I sit and type this at Starbucks with the smell of coffee stuck in my nose and the chatter of over caffeinated teenagers in my ears I sit and think about how far I have come in the last 6 months and cannot help but get angry at myself.  I feel I should be farther alone than I am in terms of weight loss and I constantly have to remind myself that the old me is now dead and the old habits and desires that came with that now hopefully forgotten man are also gone.  I am now finding new ways to handle my boredom or anger where before I would have run to the kitchen or visited the girl with the red braids and ordered a few things from her dollar menu.  After all it was only a few bucks so how bad can it really be???  Right? I know eventually that, in the end, if I stick to the plan life will be so much different and so much better but I just have to take this one day at a time.  Who knows….maybe Matt Lauer is trying to get ahold of me right now but he has the wrong number.  Matt!!!  Buddy!!! Email me!!

At Least its not Friday

It has become a habit for me to update this blog on Fridays and whine about the fact I have to weigh in the next day and not be able to eat all I feel I am entitled to just because I live in Wisconsin and good brats and beer are readily available to me!!!  And if you count the cheese, cream puffs and fried whatever on a stick it just makes me want to whine even louder but this is Tuesday and I will not bore you with my complaining.

Sharon and I spent this last Sunday with my brother and his wife at a large antique flea market not far from our house.  It was much larger than I ever expected it to be and had to have at least 10 thousand attendees and sellers packed into the local fair grounds.  Once again I was able to stay on my feet and not break into a shirt drenching sweat as we browsed what was mostly over priced crap lined up on table after table like fine jewelry.  The bigger challenge I found was not walking and staying on my feet but realizing I did not need to eat my way through the market and to take my time and eat only when I was hungry.  You name it the food was there from traditional flea market fare of corn dogs and funnel cakes to something you only see living behind the cheddar curtain like fried cheese on a stick and cream puffs…..large cream puffs. Did I mention the very fresh picked corn on the cob grilled to perfection….yes grilled….drenched in butter…..Ok I will stop.  Surprising enough I only felt hungry once and I could not pass up a real Wisconsin brat done on the grill.   Although it took me a half hour to eat I was allowed to savor each bite because of the restriction the lap band gave me.  I have found that this has been a great side effect of the surgery in that I am forced to eat slower but I actually taste my food now instead of gulping it down like a hungry German shepherd.  It has actually been enjoyable re-discovering what the foods I enjoyed in the past actually taste like all over again.

After we arrived home I had the opportunity to actually take a nap and woke up 3 hours later almost unable to move because of the pain in my joints and lower back.  Apparently I over did it with the walking and my body was not used to the exercise and was telling me it did not like it. It was easy to take the rest of the night off and do nothing more strenuous that lifting a DVD into the player and pressing play.  The next day it was a challenge to get out of bed but the job called. Thankfully I was able to do some more walking during my lunch break and not just sit at my desk reading useless message boards on the internet.  With all this walking I have to insure that I will lose some weight this weekend when I actually do step on that scale and face the terror of those little red numbers blinking back at me.  My goal for this week is 4 pounds and I will have to keep up the walking as well as watching what I eat to be able to make my goal.

On a side note that has nothing to do with my weight loss I have to update this blog and say who I saw this weekend……ok stalked this weekend.  I used to work for a major league baseball team and had a chance to meet many of the ballplayers and obtain items personally from them.  Years ago I had obtained a baseball and a very unique picture of Ryne Sandberg who was a hall of fame second baseman for the Chicago Cubs.  The items I had just screamed “I need an autograph” and since I knew Ryne would be in the area I knew this should be a easy accomplishment.  Ryne Sandberg is now a minor league manager who is trying to work his way back to the major leagues so he has to put in his time and travel in little Podunk towns with 25 players he is entrusted to manage all stuffed into a bus with little room to move.  I knew the team would be staying at a somewhat flea bag motel in a nearby town so I showed up 4 hours before the game on Saturday fully expecting to see him jogging to the bus to avoid a throng of autograph seekers.  What I got was the team bus driver in worn shorts and a faded t-shirt telling me that “Ryno” has been at the park for 2 hours and I should come back on Sunday morning if I really wanted to catch him.

Fast forward to Sunday morning at 9:30 and the team bus has yet to move but this same bus river made his way to the coffee shop attached to the flea bag motel.  As I sat in my car in the parking lot feeling like a loser as well as a stalker I questioned why I was even doing this.  I called Sharon and told her I was on my way home because I was not going to wait any more.  As I closed my cell phone and put he keys into the ignition I looked up and 10 feet in front of me walking out of the coffee shop was not the bus driver but Ryne Sandberg himself patting himself on the stomach like he just enjoyed a good Midwestern breakfast before a long day of work.  He was a little grayer and balder than I remembered but looking still like he could play second base and drive in another run in a clutch situation.  As he was trying to buy a newspaper from the machine I approached him and asked if it would be all right if he would sign my baseball and photo.  He was already annoyed that the machine would not give up the paper that was now rightfully his and even more annoyed that I was asking him to place his signature on something that I am sure he felt would be on Ebay that very night.  He signed the ball and reacted to the photo I showed him and he said that he too had he very same photo in his collection at home.  He took a closer look and commented that the item I had handed him was a classic and he enjoyed reminiscing with me and enjoyed the memories the photo brought back to him.  His annoyment turned to a smile as he asked if I wanted the photo signed and held out the sharpie I earlier had handed to him in such a way as to have me remove the cap of the pen.  He placed his signature in just the right spot and returned the sharpie to the cap that I was holding but totally missed the cap and proceeded to ink my hand in many different spots.  He shook my hand and after I thanked him he walked away and said “good seeing you again.”  Now not for one minute do I think he even remembered me from so many years ago but it was nice to see that this man…who just the week before was at the White House with the President paid the same attention to some dumb ass guy waiting on a Sunday morning in no where Wisconsin for a couple of autographs.  If you ever get a chance to read Ryne Sandberg’s induction speech at the Baseball Hall of Fame please do so. (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2121516) The man is and will always be all class in a world where sports heroes are falling down all around us.  I have never been one to “hero worship” someone but I now find myself rooting for Ryno to make it back to the majors as a manager and hoping e has as much success as a manager as he did as a player.  The sport of baseball will be a better place if the highly paid players would only remember the fans paid their salaries and bought their bubble gum cards and its clear to me that Mr. Sandberg is one who recognizes this fact and still has that aw shucks attitude when asked for his signature.

On another side note it was funny to see I was the only person who was waiting for a autograph from this hall of famer.  It was even funnier to see guests of the hotel in Cub shirts and hats walking by this legend and not even recognizing who they were standing within spitting distance of.  I wanted to scream “You call yourselves Cub’s fans and the best player on your team in the last 30 years is in front of you” but decided not to do this and let Ryne continue on his quest for a newspaper and digest his Midwestern breakfast before heading out to work.   After all it was going to be a long day at the ballpark!

2 Months and Counting

As of this past Tuesday I have hit the 2 month mark since my lap band weight loss surgery.  To be perfectly honest it feels longer than just 2 months since I had this surgery but not for the reasons one would think. I have returned to my normal life so quickly with really no complications that its so easy to forget the surgery was done.  Amazingly enough I feel I have also adapted to the restrictions placed on me with the lap band that eating has no longer become such a huge part of my life.  Only occasionally will I wake up and immediatly think about what I am going to eat that day and obsess about it like I used to do every day of my life.  I find now its easier to dismiss those obsessive thoughts and continue on with the rest of my day.  I no longer eat because I am bored and can actually now drive the almost 2 hour ride home without having to have something to eat to keep me from being bored during the drive.   I have to continually keep myself in check though as I have found myself eating a few things I should not be eating once in a while.  

I think now that 2 months have passed I have settled into a comfort zone and have not challenged myself to not only lose weight at a more rapid pace but I have also found myself no longer trying different, heathier eating options.  I feel like I have made myself so comfortable with my current lifestyle and happy with the 2 pound weight loss per week that I am willing to cut corners and do things I should not be doing.  Dont get me wrong…. I am not out there eating big macs and bags of french fries.  I have just deviated from what I was doing to give me early weight loss success and I need to find the path back to where I was. 

The lifestyle my wife and I established years ago regarding our eating habits is still in place.  We rarly make a actual dinner and will many times eat a bowl of cereal or something else that is prepared quickly because I am just too tired to cook when I get home.  I need to make a meal plan for the week not only for dinner but for breakfast and lunch as well.  I need to use this plan as a road map and follow it so I can be more successful with my weight loss goals. 

Speaking of road maps…I heard a the doctor from the tv show “Celebrity Fit Club” on the radio yesterday and was really impressed by what he had to say about health and weight loss.  He mentioned something that I had already known regarding edible foods that are white.  White bread, white rice, baked potatoes and other “white” food items are frequently full of starch that will rapidly turn to sugars in your body causing fat buildup.   Anyone who knows me knows white bread, pasta and potatoes are my 3 major food groups and if you add pizza to the mix you get a pretty good idea of my pre surgery food pyramid.  It is these food items I have felt myself returning to on a more frequent basis and I need to learn to limit these items and replace them with more healthy alternatives. 

Speaking of the doctor from Celebrity Fit Club, he also mentioned that there was a web site he started called www.50millionpounds.com whose goal is just that…to have people lose a combined 50 million pounds.  This web site is using State Farm insurance as a sponsor and you can go to any State Farm agent in the country and receive a weight loss kit that includes a pedometer and other weight loss tools.  I have signed up for the 30 day meal plan that will provide meal ideas as well as shopping lists to make the job of eating right so much easier.  I am really looking forward to starting this plan and it seems this is just what I need to kick my butt into action.  Check out the website, I think you will like it.  (No I get no money or anything else from the site!!)    I will keep this blog updated regarding my meal plans and let you know how its going. 

Well off to have a beautiful weekend here in the midwest as temps are forcasted to me mild with sunny skies.  Should be a great weekend here and hopefully it will be where you are at too!.

A Update and some news!

I cant believe its been a week since I last posted but here it is, the beginning of August.  Tomorrow will be my 2 month anniversary since my surgery and I am still at the 41 pound mark in terms of eight loss.  I didnt have a chance to weigh in yesterday because I was at a trade show bright and early and arrived home late so I will have to wait until next Saturday to see where I am at in terms of weight loss. Since this show only comes to my area about once every 4 years I planned on spending the day there but was also worried and concerned that I could do all the walking needed to see everything I wanted to see at this show.  The exposition center that the show is being held at is extremely huge and would kill the feet of even the most experienced walker/runner.  The worrysome thing for me is the fact that the last time I was at this show I was unable to walk from the parking lot to the door of the exposition center without breaking out in a shirt drenching sweat and needing oxygen to breathe.  I also need to mention that I was carrying a sports bag filled with items I needed to bring which weighed in at about 25 pounds.

As I left my car I muttered a little prayer and asked for help in getting myself around the show without making me look like a sweaty pig.  I approached the doors and realized I had yet to drop one single bead or persperation from my forehead and my breathing was not the wheezing type I was used to when I attended these shows in the past.  I walked the show floor and about halfway through I realized I needed to take a rest and found a comfortable chair and watched the world go by me for the next 10 minutes.  After this rest I was able to continue walking the rest of the floor and returned to my car without hearing the pounding of my heart in my ears or having to wring out my shirt.  This was a major triumph for me and the realization has kicked in that I am actually losing this weight and a 41 pound loss really is significant.  The success at this show has actually fueled my desire to lose even more weight and I am hoping I can keep this momentum as summer starts to wind down and fall slowly creeps in.

On a side note I had mentioned I had news.  My daughter made my wife and I grandparents for the 2nd time today.  Its difficult to believe we are grandparents at a young age but its even more difficult to realize my daughter is a mother of 2 and is pretty good at it as well.  Wasnt it just yesterday we were going to her band concerts and watching her walk across the stage to accept her 8th grade diploma?  Although she and her husband live 800 miles away we get a constant stream of pictures and videos of our grandchild and I am sure more of the same for grandkid #2 will be coming shortly.  Although I have wanted to do this surgery for a number of years I think the thing that really pushed me over the edge was becoming a grandfather for the 1st time last year.  I realized that I might not be around to see him graduate high school let alone get married and have kids of his own.  I wanted to be the grandfather who took him to ball games and bought noisey toys to take home and annoy his parents with.  I think I am more confident today than ever before that I might actually be around long enough to see all things things happen….and then some.

5 pounds is 5 pounds…..

As promised I actually got out of bed early today and made sure to hurry over and weigh in to see how much success I had this week in my weight loss journey.  As you can tell by the title of this post I lost 5 pounds this week but I cant help but to be a little dissapointed.  I really expected a larger weight loss but I really will not complain because 5 pounds is a large amount when I think about it.  I just have to keep in perspective what a 5 pound bag of potatoes feels like when you see it at the grocery store.  Its really nothing to sneeze at as it is a good weight loss amount for the week.  With this weight loss I have now “officially” lost 41 pounds in 7 weeks which is a average of 5.85 pounds per week.  I am sure even Jenny Craig would be overjoyed at that weight loss amount and I guess so should I.  For the record I am now no longer the 500+ pound guy but he 486.2 pound guy.  (pathetic yes, and I am still ashamed of myself but I am getting there)

My goal for the next 2 weeks is to average a higher weight loss than my weekly average has been.  I would like to see me lose 15 pounds in the next 2 weeks which would make me just short of a 60 pound total loss.    I have a pair of pants that I bought but never wore and they are currently 2 sizes below what I started this weight loss journey in.  I tried them on today and was pleased to see that I could actually get them up over my ample rear end but they would not make the trip over my still somewhat mountainous belly!  3 weeks ago these same pants would not even go over my rear end so I am counting my small victories.

This coming week will be a challenging one as I try to meet my goal and also put my new eating practices into action.  I am trying to take into consideration the guildelines I wrote about yesterday that I found on the lap band web site and also step up the exercise that I do each day.  There have been some days that I have done nothing in terms of exercise and I need to make sure I do something each and every day.  So on that note, I will be logging off and running several errands while my wife is away for most of the day.  Included in these errands will be a return to the place where I started walking on a regular basis right after my surgery.  It will be fun to go back there and see how much farther I can walk now as compared to 5 weeks ago when I last was there.   I will be sure to report on my progress the next time I log in.  Have a great weekend!!!

Time to take a closer look

Once again I have arrived at another Friday and the temptations of the weekend seem to diminish with each passing week.  TV watching and refrigerator raiding have now been replaced by honey do lists and enjoying the summer weather provided to us in the midwest.  But as I sit here and wonder why the pounds are not dropping off of me as quickly as I thought they would I did some internet searching for answers.  I am losing weight but I really thought I would be down alot more total pounds 7 weeks after surgery.  Although the doctors tell me a 1-2 pound weight loss is normal I expect more of myself. 

I stumbled on the makers of the lap band’s website which is www.lapband.com.  This was the 1st time I have really taken a close look at eating plans designed for the 1st year after surgery and my eyes were somewhat opened.  I have found myself eating more than I should have and being very surprised that I could eat in a larger quantity while assuming the band would tell me when to stop eating.  There have been times when I ate something and I could tell after a few bites that the food I was eating was being restricted by the band.  But other times I felt that what I was eating went down so well that I continued to eat with no regard to the quantity.  This is where old habits die hard and a lesson I have to learn in that I cant just eat until I am ready to toss it all back up again.  (sorry….I know its unpleasant but it had to be said!!)  In reading information on this website I know realize that I have to watch the quantity of what I am eating regardless of what I am actually feeling.  1-2 ounces of meat or 2 cups of skimmed milk per day is some of the guidelines that are recommended on the Lap Band site.  Although I have watched closely what I have been eating and have not eaten fried foods and have consumed only skim milk and water to keep myself hydrated, I have not watched the portions close enough.  What should be common knowledge sometimes takes a brick to hit me in the head for it to sink in.  Portion control is just as important as what I am actually eating.  Combine the portion control of good quality food with walking will help me drop the weight at a much higher rate that the what I am currently experiencing.

Although I continue to walk and get exercise I also need to, pardon the pun, step up the amount of walking I do as well.  I am continually amazed at how walking is no longer a terrorizing things for me but find it now a challenge.  I have never parked so far away from the entrance of my work as I do now and I am eying parking spots ever farther out and I am just working up the courage to try the longer walk.  I can now walk through a Wal Mart supercenter without open mouth breathing and watering the floors with my sweat!!  Its a liberating feeling but I am still reminded of how pathetic I became with my weight when a short walk to the mailbox would create panic within me.

I have now printed out the 1st year after surgery information from the lap band website and need to post it in various places where I will see it each day.  My desk at work and the refrigerator at home are likely spots for this 3 page directive.  I considered posting this at some spot in the bathroom within clear site of the toilet but I really dont think my wife would appreciate me altering her decor in both of our washrooms.  These guidelines are now giving me a little more hope that weight loss, although not easy, will happen in a larger quantity in the coming weeks.   I weigh in tomorrow and will keep you posted as to how much I have lost in the past week!

Not much here….You?

Not much going on in the world of my weight loss.  We were not able to weigh in this past weekend and that might have been a good thing as I am not sure I lost very much weight.  This week should be different as I have increased my exercise due to the fact that I am still not working much at work.  I have decided that if I have to sit here all day and literally do nothing I might as well get up and walk every hour or so and make something good out of a very boring situation.  I get up and walk the long halls of my office building and I have also started to throw some stair walking into the mix.  Up a few flights and down a few flights combined with a brisk walk each hour hopefully will contribute to a nice weight loss this week.

I have also not been wanting to eat much lately.  For the last 2 days I have not taken a lunch to work and had only a bottle of Ensure for breakfast and have found myself surprisingly not very hungry.  (although there was one trip to the vending machine where I bought a small bag of BAKED LAYS chips that have almost no fat in them)    I can’t explain what I have been feeling other than a general lack of interest in eating anything lately.  I mentioned to someone the other day that its too bad we have to eat because its almost a waste of time!!  And I guess I just dont find the pleasure in consuming massive quantities of greasy calories like I did before my surgery.  I used to wake up and right away  start planning my day in terms of where I would stop for breakfast and what I would bring for lunch to eat that day.  I would almost panic if I did not stop on the way home at the local Wendy’s or McD’s and get something to tide me over for the 65 mile ride home.  Once I got home I had to have some sort of dinner because I would then have to explain that I was not hungry because I had eaten during my drive and Sharon would not have been happy with me.  I found myself in a cycle that I could not break and only now I am feeling like the cycle is, if not broken, severly injured.  It also helps that now my son is riding to and from work with me and any cheating I do will be exposed!.  Its always a good idea to have someone to be accountable to and although I am sure he does not see it that way, he holds me accountable just being there.

Now my battle is more about being active and staying that way.  I feel more energy than I have felt in years but I need to keep my momentum and work towards a day where I can walk a few miles without being terrified. Working towards a day that panic does not set in because I was not able to find a close parking space at the Wal Mart supercenter and now have to walk a extra 50 feet before even getting into the huge store.  My actual goal is to walk in the 65 mile breast cancer walk that is held in the Chicago area every year and God willing this will happen. (it would literally be a miracle from God if I am able to complete or even do 1-2 stages of the walk!)  This walk would be in honor of my wife who has fought and won her battle with this cancer and also show myself that I also fought and won my own battle with a food addiction that has virtually ruined my life.  65 miles is a long way…..but I cannot think of a better way to show myself and my family that I have completed the journey to lose weight and signal the start of the rest of my life.

It’s the weekend but I still cant eat!!

Well, its Friday.  Friday’s, for the last 20 years have  meant the start of the weekend and the eating floodgates would open.  2 days of sitting around not doing anything other than wondering where my next snack would come from and alot of TV watching.  I gave up caring 20 years ago that I would do almost nothing for 2 days while the rest of the world went about their normal weekend  business enjoying friends and various get togethers.  I think I was embarrassed by my size and eventually ended up hiding myself away and curled up with not a good book but my girlfriend, Little Debbie.  I ignored friends and families pleas to do something about my weight because it was affecting the whole family and made doing family outings virtually impossible. 

Today I find that instead of looking forward to eating all weekend I am now looking forward to doing some walking and going to a few street fairs that I always wanted to attend but my weight never allowed me to.  With the filling of my lap band this week, the food consumption has been cut way down and the intersting thing is I do not feel hungry or have food cravings.  I actually am craving exercise and weight loss and I am trying to use that as my motivation.  A small town near where we live is having their annual celebration that requires a good deal of walking and I am also making plans to hang out by the lake near us.  I no longer want to just sit at home and watch TV.  I am 44 years old and have squandered away too many of my years to let the rest of them go by without living a life worth living. 

I have to weigh in this weekend but I am not confident of any weight loss.  I slacked off early in the week and probably ate a little more than I should have and didnt do much walking.  We had Sharon’s sister staying with us for a few days and she bought pizza last night but I managed to limit myself to 2 very small pieces which took me almost a hour to finish!!   I mentally fight myself all the time in that I know I need to exercise but circumstances dont allow it.  Now with the band adjustment and the limitations on my eating I know that some simple walking would aid in my weight loss and help me achive the loss I want in a shorter period of time.  So I have started today and will leave work a little early and enjoy the great outdoors as I find a place to do some walking.  Its about 90 degrees out today with 100% humidity so I should be able to have some pounds literally fall off of me as I walk the paved trails!! 

I will update this blog on Monday with the weight loss amount (or gain…..I hope not!!) as well as a update on the fairs Sharon and I will be going to!!  have a great weekend and stay out of the blazing heat!!

Help me I am choking!!

I know, I know… I go for weeks without a posting here and now I post 2 days in a row.  I am so bored at work and having issues eating gives me time to make another post.

 I wrote previously  that I had my lap band filled for the 1st time a few days ago.  This “filling” closes the lap band and causes me to not eat as much food as I was able to just a few hours before.  Adjusting to this filling has taken some time and I am still struggling with it. I know to take small bites and chew my food thouroughly but with the band being filled the food now gets stuck and will slowly filter through the banded area.  This causes me to feel like the food is almost at the point where its coming back up on me and causes me sometimes extreme discomfort.  I assumed this feeling would happen if I overate but I have found that this is happening even after a few small bites of food.   For dinner last night I had a small hamburger with no bun but it took me over a half hour to eat it!  I remember sitting in on a support group session for lap band patients before my surgery and I flashed back to a woman who said she has to reheat her food 2-3 times per meal because it takes her so long to eat that everything cools off.  I thought at that time that I would not have to worry about something like that but not I find myself in the same situation. 

The situation is made worse in that I am not able to drink anything during or up to a half hour after my meal.  If I was to drink anything it would flush the food through the banded area which would really defeat the purpose of what the band is designed to do, which is cause fullness and make me stop eating.  On a few occasions I have forgotten this drinking rule and taken drinks of water which caused a great deal of pain as it appears that the water only created a greater log jam in my throat and with no where for the food to go it created pressure and caused pain.    The last time this happened I had no other choice but to run to the washroom and stick my head in the toilet to relieve the pressure of the food blockage. I am learning how to eat with the new restrictions brought on by the lap band fill but this is not a very fun way to lose weight and it is not the easy way out as others had suggested.

A first time for everything!!

After my last post was wiped out with the click of one key stroke I am now forcing myself to save my work after each paragraph is written.  I can’t tell you how ticked off I was after writing a lenghthy post and with a accidental flick of my pinky finger, I hit the escape key and all was gone.  Oh well, I am over that and onto this weeks updates.

Sharon and I weighed in this past weekend and we both have lost 5 pounds.  I am down nearly 40 pounds since the surgery and I believe Sharon is down 10 pounds.  We had slacked off lately due to my return to work and other issues and losing the 5 pounds was a real confidence boost for us both.    We are both now on our 6th week of no fast food and no greasy food and I think we are both developing a intolerance for Subway!  It may be good enough for Jerrod but its getting way too old for me.  I honestly thought I would go through grease withdrawal and crave Burger King french fries or those cheap chicken sandwiches that the golden arches serve up but to my surprise I have not had these cravings.  I think the cravings are dampened by the fact I know that once I breakdown and go get some of this junk food…the reasoning will start in my head and I will allow myself to do it over and over again  After all I am trying to break bad habits and not find new ways to fall back into old ones so I have to literally fight these urges.  ok… stopping for a minute to save my work before my pinky flies over the escape key again.

I do have to mention that on Sunday Sharon and i went to my moms house to do some lawn mowing as my mom is up in years and really can’t cut her own grass anymore…although the stubborn German still thinks she can.  Before surgery I would mow a few short rows in her fenced in back yard and have to take a break to suck some wind as I was out of breath.  I know the sight of a 500 pound man mowing grass for 3 minutes and sucking wind for 10 minutes is pathetic and I am not proud of it! This Sunday i was able to mow the whole back yard taking only 1 quick break and Sharon and I split the mowing duties of the front yard.  As mundane and pathetic as this sounds, its a huge milestone in my life at this point.  I never thought taking off 40 pounds would make much of a difference when you weigh a quarter of a ton but I was amazed at how I was no longer winded and free from the various body pains that usually came with the little bit of yard work I was barely able to do previously.  Again, this was a huge confidence boost and something i am looking forward to doing again this coming weekend.  My goal is to be able to mow her whole yard (2+ acres total) by the end of the mowing season this year.

I titled this post “A first time for everything” because yesterday I received the 1st fill of my lap band.  As previously mentioned I had lap band weight loss surgery where they attach a band around the upper part of the stomach and the band can be filled with saline to restrict food consumption.  (please take a look at this link to see how the band works  http://www.obesitylapbandsurgery.com/tecmain.html)  When getting the band filled a needle and syringe is used to access the port that was placed under the skin during surgery.  The needle then goes into the port and saline is injected which allows the band around the stomach to be inflated  which in turn restricts the food consumption.  A person who has this band can eat a normal menu but if too much is eaten it will usually result in a not so pleasant run to the nearest bathroom or wastebasket to purge what was consumed.   

I was concerned that after the surgery I could feel the restriction but as time went by I did not feel as much or any restriction and was worried something went wrong.  I asked the doctor about this and I was informed that the swelling of the stomach had gone down since the surgery and since the lap band was not inflated it caused me to feel unrestricted.  I was relieved to find out that this is a common occurance and not something that would be a issue.  The doctor proceeded to fill the band but did not fill it all the way as a happy medium has to be met that will allow me to still eat but also attain my weight loss goals.  I will go back a number of times for adjustments until we get it just right!

It seems each time I have gone to a doctor or hospital  during this weight loss ordeal I have been handed something to eat or drink for medical tests.  I have drank so many different liquids for scans and xrays that its a wonder I do no glow at night!!  After the doctor completed the fill of my lap band she handed me a cup filled with a liquid.  I looked at her and I looked at the cup and asked her how much of the liquid I had to drink.  Naturally I also asked her what was in the liquid and she looked at me like I had I was a fool.  She proceeded to inform me I could drink as much as I wanted and that the cup contained normal tap water!  I felt like a idiot because I just assumed that the cup was filled with something that needed to be used in a test to insure the band was inflated properly.  I was partially right in that the water was a test but just to make sure that I could swallow with no issues and also to see if there was some restriction…and there was.  I left the office feeling like a fool but I think the doctor understood!

On a side note and not even related to the weight loss, This week my son Dan has started working as a temp to perm customer service associate where I work. He is currently in training and seems to be interested in the job and excited he will actually make enough money that will allow him to buy a car.  I think he is sick of using the family mini van to take his girlfriend out on dates.  Something about minivans cramping his style!!   We now ride to and from work each day and split the gas costs which really helps the budget with gas over 4 dollars per gallon.  I am happy that he has found a job that will pay him double what he is currently making and I also welcome the company on the long drives to and from work.  We have had a stormy past in terms of arguements and i think this will challenge us both, but mainly me to allow him to grow up and not be on his butt so much for things normal 21 year olds do.  Being together in a car for almost 4 hours a day will challenge me to keep my mouth shut and only offer advice when asked!  I have to let him grow up and make his own decisions and live with the consequences.  So many changes in my life in such a short time is going to kill me!!

This week I am looking to once again reach a 5 pund weight loss but I fear I am going to fall short as I have not had a chance to do alot of walking.  Besides that I have to find new pants that do not fall down to my ankles as I walk!!  Its weird for me to have to buy new pants because they are TOO BIG on me as its normally the other way around but you will not find me complaining! 

More updates next week or if something interesting happens or boredom sets in I will come back and let you know about it!!

Here I sit all broken hearted………….well you know the rest!!

I am so freaking mad right now as I just typed a rather lenghthy, witty and interesting post (to me at least) and somehow the post got deleted.  Check back as I am no mood to edit this post right now.

OK OK I know when I did wrong

It was too good to be true right?  You mean the weight will not just drop off of me because of the surgery? 

Well it was a week of being very busy but not exercise busy.  We had something going on at church almost every night this week and we had been busy doing other stuff and I really didnt have time to do the normal walking I had been doing the previous weeks. (OK I could have made time… yes I know that!!)  Add in the fact that my diet has also changed again in that I can now eat normal foods but obviously in MUCHsmaller quantities made for a challenging week, weight loss wise.

While Sharon and I have been eating well and it has been 4+ weeks since anything fried has passed our lips but it appears we have been eating well but our exercise lacked any attention this week.  I had a total weight loss of 1 pound for the week and even though the doctor said 1-2 pounds is normal and the safe way to lose weight I am so disappointed in myself.  I have now lost a total of 31 pounds since the surgery but I was really hoping for 50 lost before I returned to work.  I  have to get back and do some walking to burn the calories I am consuming each day.  I do miss the walks down by the lake and just enjoying the natural beauty that God has provided for us.  Its funny that I have passed the beach area in Williams Bay, Wisconsin almost every day and would occasionally look and say that the water looks nice and wouldn’t it be nice to take a boat out there.  But this time off from work and the walks we have taken by the beach have really opened my eyes to the beauty of the area and it has also shown me that I can make this change in my life and the natural beauty I see is something I can actually be around for a good number of years to observe if I can meet this weight loss challenge.  I have friends to make, Grandkids to get to know and relationships with those very close to me that need to be restored.  This week gave me a “gut check” and made me realize just because I have a device implanted in me helping to lose weight does not mean it is just going to happen like magic.

I know this weight loss will take patience and it will also teach me many lessons about my life so I am not getting down or beating myself up yet.  Next week will be the key for me to show me that when I weigh in I not only ate correctly and exercised but also showed my family and my God that they mean more to me that anything that could ever pass my lips.  This weight loss is for them and not for me!!

I return to work this week and that is probably best for me.  I can no longer sit around the house and be tempted by nibbling here and there on healthy foods but it will also force me to get some exercise.  I will have to park my car so far out in the parking lot that I need a GPS to find my way to my office.  A brisk walk into work as well as a walk out of work to my car will be combined with taking 7 flights of stairs in and out of the building will give me the exercise I need.  I do also plan on walking somewhere on the way home to get that “extra” shot of fat burning exercise I need to make sure that when I weigh in on Saturday I will not see a 1 pound loss again this week.

Have a great 4th of July and I will be sure to report again this next weekend what the weight loss was for this week.

Please feel free to leave comments on my blog either good or bad.  I like to see who is reading my ramblings…there are a few of you out there.  Why? I am not sure but I at least I hope you are entertained!!

Stitches, Diet and various other things

I am now 3 weeks out from my surgery date and at this point the incisions are healing nicely and I have finally been able to remove all the orange stuff they slather onto you before surgery.

Sharon and I have been watching very closely what we eat and for the 1st time in our lives we are actually reading labels and are amazed at the garbage we were filling our bodies with. It is no wonder how we became as large as we have after looking at the calories and fat grams in just one tube of those Pringles we would buy at the store for 99 cents. Who would of thought that for a buck you could purchase over a thousand calories and a large amount of fat grams….what a bargain! And don’t even get started on the lunch meat and white bread I would consume as a part of what I thought was my balanced diet of white bread, lunch meat and skim milk because of course that was better for me.

3 weeks out from surgery and I am happy to report that I have lost 30 pounds and Sharon has lost 5 which is a huge accomplishment for her. I cannot tell you how proud I am of here and how she has really stuck to eating right. We have been trying to do as much walking at the lake as we can but it has been a hectic 2 weeks but we have kept ourselves busy.

I am now able to eat anything that I can actually handle that does not make me feel like throwing up. I have to watch the quantity of what I eat and make sure I am not drinking water 30 minutes before or after eating as this will help flush food through the restricted opening and making me feel hungry all over again. I also have to make sure I chew food completely as large pieces could potentially get stuck in the restricted opening causing some major issues. I have actually found that this process of actually chewing my food instead of the normal gulping I did previously has made me feel fuller quicker because I get the satisfaction of eating that I craved because it does actually take me longer to consume one very small meal.

Speaking of feeling hungry there has only been one time since the surgery that I actually felt hungry and that was because we had been out and about for a number of hours and actually forgot about eating. Sharon and I are now amazed that we can go out and run errands or actually be out for a long time and not think about stopping anywhere to eat anymore. We have dedicated ourselves to eating at home where we can control the fat grams and calories we consume. There has only been one time since this surgery that we stopped anywhere and that is because we were literally out all day and did not eat anything up until that point. We did stop at Culvers and split a GRILLED chicken sandwich where I actually tossed out the bun and had the chicken only.

I have just re-read what I wrote and realized this blog has turned into something like those crazy Christmas letters everyone gets sent by their crazy aunt and uncle telling them every little boring aspect of their lives…I mean like anyone cares right? Well since no one besides Crystal (Hi Crystal.. Love ya!) is reading these blogs I guess that is ok but I promise to make these postings more lively and more frequent in the future. I will blog again this Saturday as that is the day we will weigh in and see if any more weight has been lost from our over sized bodies.

( this post and the next one were saved as a draft for a couple of weeks now but I totally forgot about them.   I did add some updates but for the most part they are my thoughts from a few weeks back.)

5 little holes

Its done…… Yes the long journey towards the surgery is finally complete and now the long journey to a changed life starts right now

After numerous setbacks and issues the surgery was performed on June 4th resulting in me having 5 little holes on my chest and belly. The surgeon reported that the surgery went better than expected and he appeared pleased.

I spent one night at the hospital as they held me for observation.  They said something about a 500 pound man and blood clots blah blah blah but to be honest the only thing I remember is tubes in both of my arms and a oxygen sensor on my finger.  I was of course free to do what I wanted including going to the bathroom.  Let me tell you it is a experience trying to navigate through the hospital room with a rolling IV tower, tubes coming from every which way and the ever present oxygen sensor on your finger. Once I  actually made it to the washroom, all the while controlling these tubes and sensors and trying not to dip the only gown the hospital has in your size into the toilet itself made me more determined to just “hold” it until I actually went home.

MY menu at the hospital consisted of various different colored jello’s and ice water.  They allowed me to order from a normal hospital menu but even though I ordered the chopped steak I still somehow managed to receive the pale green jiggly jello that I came to despise.

I was finally released and had to be wheeled out of the hospital in this rather large wheelchair that was brought to the room by a elderly woman who took one look at me and announced for the whole floor to hear, “I cant push this one….we need someone else!”  Sharon, my wife stepped up and said she would do the pushing if the lady would clear the path for us as we made our way to the exit.

As we left my room I was piled high with all the things you collect from your normal hospital stay. Breathing machines to make sure your lungs are clear,  The CPAP machine I was given the previous week for sleeping which I was told it was very important I bring this machine with me to the hospital……even though it was never used.  No get well cards or flowers for me but a large stuffed teddy bear and other bags of stuff piled high as I was wheeled through the halls.  I also need to mention that all the while I was being wheeled I did it in bare feet.  Yes, my wife forgot to bring my shoes and socks back to me and so everyone in the hospital saw this large fat man being wheeled through the halls clutching various bags and of course the teddy bear with no shoes on.  I was then released at the main door where I stood with all of these items….barefoot and teddy bear in hand….as I waited for Sharon to get the car that seemed to be parked 15 miles away. I must have looked like a lost child just waiting to be found as visitors and hospital staff filed past me while I waited.

I did make it home and enjoyed my 1st week of eating which included only liquids.  But at least the liquids did have some flavor to it as I was allowed to drink various items like Ensure and Carnation instant breakfast, which actually gave me my first opportunity to toss my cookies after I drank it a little too fast the 1st time.

So just for the sake of being totally honest and so my progress can be tracked I am more than ashamed to admit my pre-surgery weight was a official 527 lbs.  Yes, I am and was huge and I am totally ashamed of that as I have no idea how I got here.  Blaming my girl friend Little Debbie might be a good start but in  the end it was all my doing.

Do you need help walking?

Sometimes you don’t know things about yourself until you take a step back and really look at yourself as others actually see you. The TV show “What Not To Wear” is a great example of people not seeing themselves as others see them until it is painfully pointed out to the unlucky victim that the way they dress makes them look like a bag lady in a hurricane.

I have heard many times through the last few months the question “do you need help walking? can I get you a wheelchair?” I have seen many pictures of me but I have avoided the camera like a bank robber because I just did not want to face the fact that I am so much larger than my minds eye has led me to believe. But my size has been driven home to me many times with that one simple question. Arriving at my 1st sleep study I went directly to the office which was a good distance from the parking lot. The attendant turned and looked at me with a shocked look on his face. He said to me “are you ok? can I get you a wheelchair?”

At the hospital I needed to walk a good distance to reach the radiology department and while stopping to ask directions the well meaning nurse asked me if she could get me a wheelchair. Now the lazy ass in me thought about saying yes as this would prevent me from exerting more energy than I wanted to on this walk to another meaningless x-ray. I politely declined and carried on with my slow but deliberate walk. It was only after the x-ray tech asked me the same question did I get up enough nerve to ask him why he asked me if I needed a wheelchair. The tech looked at me like I had 3 eyes and explained to me that many people who are my size normally cannot walk any distance and need assistance walking even 50 feet or less. It was at that moment that it hit me that I have become one of those people you only hear about because they are rarely seen in public for fear of ridicule. At that moment I finally realized how big I have become.

Shame came over me after returning to my car and I sat and thought about what I have put family and friends through for so many years. The disappointment in my sons eyes as playing catch required me to throw the ball twice and sit down for a minute because my knees hurt. Old football and baseball injuries I would tell myself so I could continue to live the lie. Dancing and street fairs are only a pipe dream to my wife as our relationship and marriage have tumbled into a roommate type living arrangement. Fat has a way of taking the spontaneity out of life as calling ahead to restaurants to find out of their chairs have arms or to the movie theater to see if they have the “flip up arms” takes all of the luster of doing something at the spur of the moment. Fat also has a way of disrupting relationships and friendships as respect is lost and not easily regained.

I have realized a transformation has come over me as I make my way into middle age. I used to thrive on playing sports and being active but I started to settle on watching sports on TV while eating a bag of chips or ice cream or whatever was not previously inhaled by me. In this transformation I have sucked others into my web and they have been caught up into this vortex of eating and inactivity that has stolen so many years from my life. Yes, I am going through another life changing event with this surgery I am facing but behind me I have left a wake of hurt and spent emotions. Although my surgery will provide me a means to a end and allow me to lose weight more rapidly, others that have been sucked into my web are left to deal with their emotions and the after affects of years of refrigerator abuse. I totally understand the feelings that have been expressed to me and I do feel somewhat responsible and cannot hide behind the tired old line of ” I didnt force you to eat that!”

Just as I am getting help in losing this weight I know I have a responsibility to help others that are left in my wake to put their lives back together to live a long and healthy life. Can this be done? Only time will tell. But I think that by acknowledging the damage I did to my family and trying to make these changes and help others along the way is the only way I can possibly hope to repay them for what I did as a obese and inactive father and husband. Street fairs and movies, Baseball games and games of catch with my kids. Games of catch with my grandkids and slow dancing and wispering the words to “wonderful tonight” into my wife’s ear as we slow dance on each new years eve. It will be only at these times that I will know that I am no longer who I was, but I have become the person who I saw in my minds eye.

As Paul Harvey would say……..”partly personal!”

Sharon, we will work it out. We will learn to eat right and not eat Eli’s cheesecake and call that dinner anymore

Daniel, I cannot wait to go to baseball game with you and be able to enjoy it together. Sitting in those seats will let me know that I have finally lost enough weight where we can walk to our seats and actually sit in them.

Crystal, We never spent alot of time together but I do miss you and would love to actually be in your kids life. I don’t want to be known as the fat grandfather seen only in pictures because I was dead long before the kids had a chance to meet me. I hope I can be included in their lives as well as yours and Jim’s.

And now for me….Since this blog was started as a roadmap to see not where I am going but to see where I have been. Lose the weight you big dummy! Don’t stop at McDonalds for a small burger because you will probably only throw it up anyway. Remind yourself that food should never take precedence over your family. Food has become your mistress and you have been treating her better than your own loved ones. Take advantage of this second chance you are getting and make those life changes that you know you need to do. Remember…….YES YOU REALLY ARE THAT FAT…IF NOT FATTER!.

Duo-What?

Got a call from the surgeon himself this last Wednesday!   Not the surgeons nurse or someone in the office but the surgeon himself.  After asking me a number of questions he let me know that we will have to do further tests because they found some abnormalities in my tests.  it turns out I have a “thickening of the duodenum” and this was found during one of the scans I did the previous week.  Too many questions and so little time, I didn’t have any time to ask questions as the surgeon had to run and I just didn’t know what questions to ask.  I did manager to squeak out “should I be worried?”  The response I received is not something I really wanted to hear.  “Not yet” was the response and with that I was sent realing for the next few hours.  He then explained to me that he wanted to do a endoscopy the following Tuesday which entails sending a garden hose down my throat with a camera on the end to take a closer look at me upper GI track.  (Sounds like fun doesn’t it?)

After I hung of the phone I instantly went to the internet to find out what my duodenum was.  (for anyone who is interested, its the 1st portion of your small interesting that hoops to the bottom of your stomach.  This is where digestion starts.) After finding out where its located and what it does I also saw many references to cancer and various other abnormalities.  I then had to close the web browser and go find a room to call my wife and cry for a few minutes.  I really have no idea where we go from here other than wait for the outcome of the testing this Tuesday.  Until then I sit and hold my breath and wait for the next turn in this road towards weight loss.   I can’t help but think that I just wish I had the willpower to lose the weight on my own but I then also think that if not for this weight loss process this abnormality might not have been discovered until its just too late.

June 4th… A day that will live in infamy

After countless delays, 3 sleep studies and a whole lot of hurry up and wait a date has finally been set for the surgery. As this day draws closer I have a mix of excitement and total terror churning inside of me. I have been looking forward to this day for at least 5 years but now that its becoming a reality the realization that a total life change is about to happen. Not only will I be reduced to eating what amounts to be a shot glass full of pureed chicken 4 times a day but I will have to find another way to deal with my emotions and no longer rely on eating as a comfort. There is no doubt life will change and change for the better as I will be able to actually go to a movie and not have to worry about wedging my butt in a seat designed for teen agers. I will be able to get on a airplane and see my grandkids and even ride a roller coaster once again. But for most of my life I have dealt with the daily issues and disappointments by consuming anything that wasnt nailed down. Have a arguement go get a burger, have a bad day at work, go get a chicken sandwich. (after all chicken is better than a hamburger right!!!??). Have a 2 hour drive from work get something to occupy your time if only for a few minutes.

I think it is going to take a huge and drastic change like this surgery to force me to make the needed changes in my life. I am ready to change but I know myself well enough that unless I am forced to make a change, change will not happen.

I wonder if you can puree a chicken sandwich????

You are getting very sleepy part 2

I think a sleep study brings new meaning to the term “wired”.

I arrived at the sleep center only to find that the rooms they have set up for these studies are very much like hotel rooms only without the continental breakfast.  I was quickly wired up with so many wires I felt like a lab rat. Wires to my legs to measure restless leg syndrome.  Wires to various parts of my head to measure brain waves.  Wires to my chest for aEKG heart monitor,  A oxygen sensor on my finger and more wires under my nose, next to my eyes and various other body locations.  It was explained to me that these wires were there to measure body reactions while sleeping.  The technician was would be able to measure my eyes movements as well as pretty much everything else I did during the night.  While laying in bed trying to sleep with all these wires attached I could only wonder if they would hear me pass gas during the night and give me a electrical shock like a run away dog with a electrical collar on.

I eventually fell asleep but it was a restless sleep.  I did not feel like I ever really had a chance to doze off but 3 hours later my technician came in and informed me it was “time for the mask”.  I knew what she meant and I had been prepared for this moment but still something inside of me made me want to rip out the wires and run like a sissy out the doors of the clinic.

The mask she referred to is a C-PAP mask and it gets placed normally over your nose and it gently blows air into your nose keeping any obstructions out of your airway as you sleep.  Now Imagine all the wires that were previously attached to my body being joined by a mask with a large air hose that would make any Top Gun pilot jeolous. With this mask now being attached to my face I was now supposed to sleep better than the previous few hours.  After tossing and turning and trying various masks I had settled on one that was the most comfortable.    Using this mask was like breathing through a straw on a hot summer day under a blanket.  I struggled with it so much I even had claustrophobic feelings as I lay there trying to get to sleep.

At 4 am i sat on the edge of the bed and since I was being filmed on camera the technician soon appeared. I informed her that I was too wide awake to go back to sleep and that I needed to have everything removed as soon as possible.  Just as slowly as every wire was placed on me they came off just as slow.  It seemed my technician took great joy in the slow removal of all the tape and electrode connections as my skin got ripped away with the tape.  It was not soon after that I ran my hand through my hair and realized that the brain wave electrodes they put on my head were also coated with a substance that had a consistancy of butter and I had globs of it in my hair.

I left the clinic at almost 5 am and drove the 1 and a half hours home.  I was wide awake during the drive and thoughts of things to do with the rest of my day ran through my head.  I got home and kneeled on the bed to say hello to my wife and next thing I knew it was 5 pm and I was just waking up from a rest that was well needed after a night of being studied while I slept.

You are getting very sleepy!!!!

30 years ago when you snored like a freight train your wife put pillows over your head or she sent you to the couch.  Like everything else, times have changed in the world of sleep.  Now they send you for a sleep study so they can watch your sleep habits and suggest ways to make you sleep better.

Yes, I am required to do a sleep study as a part of my pre surgery testing.  Tonight I will be sleeping in a strange room surrounded by technicians and video cameras watching my every move.  Wires will be attached to monitor various body functions all in the name of helping me sleep better!  I know this is probably all needed but to be honest I cannot get over the feeling that this is nothing more than a way to make a few additional bucks from my insurance.  Call me skeptical but I just dont feel I need this and its only delaying my surgery date.  I am feeling really frustrated now as the date for surgery has yet to be set and I dont feel any closer than I did when I 1st went to the initial seminar months ago.

I guess I do have to keep this all in perspective and know the operation will eventually happen which will open the door to a new life for me and my family. I just have to keep telling myself that patience is the key and next year at this time I can be looking forward to going to a baseball game and actually fitting in the seat instead of a surgeons knife.   Next year is a long way away but in the grand scheme of things whats 12 more months when I will be losing 100+ pounds in the process.

Well off to do laundry as I was asked to bring my pajamas tonight to the study.  Does anyone wear pajamas any more?  I have to dig up an old pair of shorts that still fits me and make sure they are washed.  I sure wouldn’t want to subject the technicians to the torture of seeing me in what I normally sleep in!!!

Doctors doctors and more doctors

In the past 2 weeks I have seen a Psychologist and a  Pulminologist.  I have had a ultrasound as well as taken a 585 true or false test to determine if I am sane enough for this procedure.  I have attended a seminar to show me what I will and wont be able to eat and another seminar to remind me that its ok to be sad  about not eating mt favorite foods anymore. I have more doctors appointments coming up including a potential sleep study that could possibly delay my surgery even more.  This waiting is killing me because I just want this done and done now.  I want to be able to move on and start my new life and it seems that weeks are passing by only to not be any closer to my goal.  I will not even have a scheduled surgery date until I am cleared by all of these doctors.   I know these doctors approvals are needed for my own safety but it seems sometimes that its nothing more than a chance for these doctors to make a few more bucks for 10 minutes of their time.  travel and waiting rooms have taken up a large portion of my time the last 2 weeks with a very small fraction of that time actually seeing a doctor face to face.  I have had more quality time with the same  Time magazine in the doctors waiting room than with my own doctor.   I received the bill in the mail for the initial 10 minute “meeting” with the doctor and saw that he billed the insurance company 345.00.  I KNEW I should have went to medical school.  a ten minute visit at 345.00 per equals 2070.00 per hour.   Multiply that by 8 hours per day thats 16,560.00 per day.  82,800.00 per week!!  Ok So maybe I am making more of this than it is but can you imagine billing your time at that rate?  No wonder insurance rates are through the roof these days.

Starting the ball rolling

The Tom Petty song comes to mind today….”The waiting is the hardest part”.

The 1st step to the weight loss surgery was a seminar that was mandatory for anyone considering this type of procedure. Surrounded by 50 overweight people while a doctor in a expensive suit describes in gory detail what he intends to do with our insides was only made better by the fact there were 5 former fat people standing in front of us showing us the clothing they used to wear just a year or 2 previous. Weight loss with this procedure is dramatic and this was driven home as we passed pictures of our 5 speakers as we heard them speak about how this procedure changed their lives. Did they miss oreo’s and ice cream? Pepsi and McDonalds? Did they still date their best girl, Little Debbie?

To a person they swore that these temptations were no longer something that caused them to drive into the fast food lane and order a extra value meal with a diet Pepsi! Besides the fact that their stomach was about the size of their thumb they all said they no longer needed these foods and were enjoying the freedom that not carrying 200+ pounds on their frame gave them.

Questions were asked of the surgeon and paper work was filled out. The 1st doctors appointment was scheduled to determine if I was a right fit for this surgery. I walked out of the seminar with some hope but refused to let myself get excited for fear that this procedure would not happen for me.

Well??? Here we go

In the 1st of what I hope will be many many blogs (that I am pretty certain no one will ever read), I intend to track the process of a new direction and a major change in my life. Weighing in at a tad over 500 pounds I have realized for years changes needed to be made if I was going to see the next decade. I watched my father die of diabetes complications and I knew my fate was going to be something similar to what caused his early death at the age of 70. I have been oblivious to these changes for many years and changes never came despite the tears and pleadings of my own family. Changes never came for many reasons. Laziness, fright as well as not really caring much about myself were all contributing factors that helped to shoot my weight up to a quarter ton.

After years of denial I have come face to face with the fact that something needed to be done about my weight and it had to happen real soon. At the start of this year (2008) I started the process to have either the gastric bypass or adjustable lap band weight loss surgery performed on me to assist in the weight loss I could never achieve on my own. This blog is the start of my charting of the journey both myself and my family will take on. Done more or less for my own enjoyment and to be able to look back on where I started I intend to keep this blog as a roadmap to remind me where I have been. Others are invited to comment as I think I will need lots of encouragement to accomplish this goal. I am looking forward to the change in life and I hope others who are close to me will also look forward to these changes