I was just looking over my blog and realized that I started this blog over four years ago in anticipation of having the Lap-Band weight loss surgery performed on me. I was full of hope and anticipation before the surgery but here we are nearly four years later and I am only about 25 pounds less than I was when I started. What happened?
I will tell you what happened…I learned to cheat the band and continued to eat like I normally did without doing any additional exercise. The band is only a tool and like any other tool, if not used right it will be of little use. So where does that leave me?
I will tell you where it leaves me. It leaves me pissed off at myself. It leaves me disappointed in everything I have done, It leaves me feeling even less of myself than I did before the surgery. It leaves me feeling like a loser and a failure. It leaves me right back at where I started. Nothing has changed except for being four years older.
Its time for an all out war on my weight and on my mental health. I have been told many times that weight loss is in one’s own head and in the head is where it starts. If I am going to lose any weight I have to want it….need it….and go after it with the energy I would go after a pizza with cheese and sausage. A plan is needed and this is what I need to do. A plan on how and what to eat as well as a plan for the short and long term. lets call it a plan for living because as it stands, I am not living, I am surviving. I want to live. I want to fly to places I have never seen. I want to experience life like others do. I want to know my grand kids and see them grow up. I want to grow old with my wife and complain about our aches and pains when we are in our 70′s and NOT our 40′s. Time is running out on my and I need to do this now. Sustaining my mental capacity to make this change will be harder to do than actually losing weight. I need the strength to see myself through this and a faith in God that he will help me overcome if I just ask. This IS something I can do….do I want it bad enough? That is the question.
