Where the heck have I been?

No, Contrary to rumors I have not been avoiding my blog and hiding out at the local Dunkin Donuts and gorging on all the filled long johns. 

 As mentioned previously I started school again and this time  I am attending a real university and not at the local junior college.  To say I have underestimated my work load from school would be a huge understatement.  I have found that the school work that has been assigned to me has been a unbelieveable amount and it continues.  Not that the work was hard or challenging but the sheer amount of work assigned has been very hard to keep up with.  I leave the house at 7 am and return around 7.30 at night with 3-4 hours of cummuting time. If its snowing, which it has been known to do in Wisconsin you can usually add 1-2 hours to that commute. The time that is eaten up in a normal work week for work and commuting does not leave time for much of anything else let alone school.  I find myself getting home at nght and eating dinner and working on school work until I go to bed.   If you could see me at my desk during my work day you will find me with a textbook open and in between calls I am frantically doing my homework trying to keep up with the rapid pace we are currently on to help me finish my classes in 11 months.  I seriously never in my life thought that school would be such a huge amount of work but to be honest I am finding in challenging, frustrating, exciting and worth every penny of it. The thing that is keeping me going is hearing my name in 2 years when I cross that stage to accept my diploma.  That will be a very proud moment for me and that is the prize I am keeping my eye on.

How have I been doing with my weight loss?  I really dont know.  I had school last Saturday which is the only day I could weigh in at the doctors office.  I am not sure if I have lost or gained but I do know that I havnt been eating alot of junk but we still have not been able to afford to eat more healthy either.  This is the most frustrating part in that I know what I want to eat and I just cannot afford to buy these items yet because we have just been flat broke.  We have a suprplus of food at the house now but these are all things we have bought in the past that just are not the most nutrient rich items like pasta and breads.  I want to eat salads and yogurt and other healthy stuff but eating that way requires money that we dont have.  I do get paid this weekend and we will be buying many of these things so I do look forward to getting my system cleaned out.   I really want to try and eat only salads, chicken and other proteins as well as whole grains breads for te next 2 weeks and really put myself on the road to eating well.  Eating well right now is not a challenge to me but being able to afford it is.  So hopefully we can direct our very limited food funds to items that will help us all eat better.

I have also been dealing with some issues in my own life.  I dont know whats been wrong with me and maybe its the winter we are having but I have been fighting….for lack of a better word, depression.  Its not a dep depression but it is a feeling of being down and dejected.  We are in th emiddle of our second bad winter where the cold and the snow amounts are ranking up in the top 5 of worst winters recorded in the last 145 years so I am sure this has alot to do with it.  We cannot go anywhere because of the snow or the cold and even if we could head outside we dont have money to do anything. Its a bad cycle that we are in right now and I am not sure what to do to about it.  I am actually more worried about Sharon as she is stuck at home and cannot go outside because of the cold and with no car she cant just head to Starbucks for some outside time.  There have been many times I call home from work and she is near or in tears and I know the walls are closing in on her too.  I have to find a way to get her a car this spring and hopefully God will provide a tax return so we can at least get her a beater car to get aroudnd town with.

I am trying to pull myself out of this depression and school is helping me but its keeping me away from home even more.  All this stress and depression isnt helping my eating as I am a nervous eater and if I had any money or if we had anything in the house worth munching on I would hav ealready plowed through it by now.  Lucky for me we havnt had much of money or munchies so eating real bad has not been a issue.  I think that after shopping this weekend and getting out and spendning time with Sharon I think I will be back on track.  After all spring is right around the corner and pitchers and catchers report to spring training in 2 weeks!! Come on spring!!!

January 14th

As mentioned in my previous post i started school yesterday and to be honest I am really apprehensive about starting this new chapter in my life while trying to deal with the weight loss.  It almost seems that these 2 issues in my life might be counter productive as school tends to stress me out and stress usually leads to over eating.  I need to balance theseissues out and I think if I am successful I wil lbe a better person for it.

I am also still feeling the winter blahs pretty bad but I feel really bad for my wife as she is stuck at home all day with no car as we just cannot afford another car at this time.  I cant even count the number of times in the last 2 months that I have called home onlunch to find Sharon crying because she was so down.  We both think she has that seasonal disorder where the winter just depresses her to the point where she just breaks down in tears and has no motivation to do anything.  Some days are better than others but I need to find a way to get her a car so she can get out of the house on a regular basis.  Our apartment has no direct sunlight and its been so cold and snowy here that even trying to do something outside will prove to be futile.  The only thing we seem to be able to do is go to starbucks when I get home at night or walk around walmart just for something to do.  Spring cannot get here soon enough if you ask me.

I was able to do some walking today and I do feel better after getting this exercise in.  I need to really step it up some and I am hoping that maybe I would be able to go to the gym at the college I am attending just to get a better work out in 2 times a week.

As for todays menu..here goes:

Breakfast  bowl of cereal with 2% milk

Lunch…peanut butter sandwich with some doritios ( i know bad choice but we are out of the “good food”.  I have brought some dry cereal to munch on through the day.

This weekend we will be doing some shopping and buying nothing but totally healthy food.  I have decided that instead of buy chips or prtzels i will sink our money into salad mix, veggies, yogurt and other things that will keep us more healthy.  I am actually looking forward to next week when all this other not as healthy stuff is gone and the good food is available.    having good food in the house will also help my stress eating so if I do get the urge it the food will not “kill” me in terms of weight gain.

January 13th

I am actually typing this after the fact as today is the 14th but I am going to pretend that it is still the 13th.  well kinda

Anyway, I started school yesterday (the 13th) and it really caused me alot of stress because it has been years since I have been in a actual classromm situation.  My usual way of dealing with stress is eating but I feel I really did a good job at not devouring anything in sight and dealt with the stress in a positive way.   I need to keep this positive stress handling going because the amount of work that will be assigned in class compared with the amount of time to complete the assignments would make anyone stress and eat a whole bag of oreas at one sitting!

so here are the eating details from yesterday (13th)

Breakfast bowl of cherios ceral with 2% milk.

Lunch peanut butter sandwich with pretzels and a low fat vanilla yogurt for dessert.

The school provided subway sandwiches and sun chips for us so a 6inch sub was my dinner with no mayo on it…and the sun chips of course.

When I got home there was a bag of coritos that I had to have some of.  I didnt grab the bag like I normally would have but instead grabbed a small bowl and put some in there.  I ended up not eating all the chips andgave the rest to Sharon.  I probably ate 8- 10 chips.

I didnt have the chance to walk all that much and i am really feeling it today.

a mid stream change that I have to make

I recently received a comment on this blog by a regular reader named Leann and she talked about a diabetic diet that she has been on and the results she has received.  I read her comments and thought back to what originally made me successful with my weight loss and realized some things that I have been lying to myself about. 

I have a tendency to eat all the wrong things and skip servings of vegetables and fruits as I have never been a big eater of these items.  I have also been lying to myself that just eating a half sandwich, chips and a yogurt at lunch was a good lunch for me.  Well this lie was really just that a lie to myself.  I was eating white bread for a sandwich bread instead of whole grain bread, Potato chips which are just all wrong and yogurt which was probably the only good thing in the lunch bag.  I have to go back to the basics of what made me successful early on and also realize that vegetables and fruits are a part of my life and I need to eat them on a regular basis. 

So there you have it… no excuses and realizations that I am lying to myself with my eating even though I thought I was eating well.  Leann has really opened my eyes with the diabetic diet and I realized that unless I force myself to eat closer to a diabetic diet I will probably have to eat one eventually anyway.  I did have good intentions and I guess this really is a learning process.  I have eaten 1 way for the last 44 years of my life and as I go I am learning more and more about nutrition and am only now realizing my mistakes and trying to make the changes. 

So going forward I will be more specific about what I am eating on a daily basis so everyone can hold me even more accountable.  And yes I will make sure I do a daily post here.  I have been bad in not doing my daily posts and I will not offer any excuses.  So to kinda restart this whole diet thing while still trying to meet the 60 in 60 goal here is what I have eaten today:

Breakfast..1 slice of Rye bread toast with a tablespoon creamy peanut butter.   ! small cup of 1% milk.  About 300 total calories

Lunch…Small salad (about 1 cup) with ranch dressing. Dressing was in a small container that I dipped the salad into and used about a tablespoon or dressing.   Half sandwich with rye bread, lean ham mustard and seasonings (no salt).  Not sure of calories.  Also had a low fat yogurt which was 120 calories.

Dinner…updated later

I have been back to walking here in the building and will walk more before I leave tonight after already walking my normal route twice today. 

I will be starting school tomorrow and will have to deal with the stress of actually attending classes and getting the class work completed on time.  I usually handle stress with eating and I will be finding new ways to handle the stress of school work.  I am open for suggestions if anyone has one!!

January 7th….ok ok…back on track

Well a explaination is in order and I am sure it will sound like an excuse (I can just hear Crsytal now!!)

Saturday ,January 3rd we had a huge amount of errands to run and to be honest I was tired a good part of the day.  We went shopping and didnt get home until well after 7 in the evening after going to the 5 o’clock service at church.  And to be honest, I sit for 40 hours per week in front of a computer screen and spending a mind numbing number of hours “relaxing” in front of another computer screen is not something I cherish when I have a day off.   As I mentioned in my quick post yesterday (more on that later)  I have not been going overboard and eating all kinds of junk food.  I have been ding pretty good and anticipate a weight loss by weeks end.

One of the things I was able to do on Saturday is weigh in.  I have not been looking forward to weighing in mainly because it had been 6 weeks since the last time I weighed and  with the holidays I was sure I gained a good amount of weight.  Well I am both happy and sad to announce that I “only” put on 3 pounds during this 6 week period and as pathetic as this sounds I am “happy” thats its only 3 pounds.  Happy in a way that says “how pathetic am I to put this weight back on” but also sad…oh well you get the idea.  So my official starting weight for this challenge is 477.  So in 8 weeks I need to be at 417….GULP!!  I cant even imagine being that weight but I certainly am aiming for it.  I will try and upload pictures of the scale reading after I weigh in this coming Saturday so you all can keep me honest!!

Sunday we took down the Christmas decorations and generally did nothing that whole day.  Again, no bad eating but no exercise either.  It seems I have contracted a case of the winter blahs.  I think my wife and I both get these blahs each winter about this time as we realize the holidays are over and warmer weather is still 3+ months away.  We are both fighting the blahs and doing our best to plow through them but with record snowfalls and continued very cold weather, it is tough to not just cover your head with the warm covers each morning and pray for May!

Tuesday I promised an update and ..well that just didnt happen.  I got home from a very busy day at work and remembered Sharon had an appointment that evening.  It was snowing out and I also knew Sharon is not a very happy camper when she has to drive in snow so I volunteered to drive her to her appointment.  What was to take only 45 minutes took almost 3 hours and we did not get back home until 10:30 in the evening which is usually when I try and get to bed.  Needless to say I was not going to do anything but have a quick bowl of cereal and go to bed.  Not good to have a full stomach when you finally get to bed but I was hungry… what can I say

So for todays update.

Breakfast was a piece of bread with a tablespoon full of Peanut butter!  (got my grains and my protein all in one shot!!) and a small glass of 2% milk

Lunch consisted of a peanut butter sandwich since we ran out of that great Turkey we bought over the weekend!!  A small “baggie” of chips brought from home and a yogurt.

Dinner…. Chicken and pasta.  It was actually pretty good

I dont think I have mentioned that I no longer drink any kind of soda as my doctor advised against it because it could have adverse effects on the lap band surgery I had.  My main beverage of choice is water and then skim milk.  On a few rare occasions when we go somewhere to eat I drink water or lemonaide. I just dont think I could even drink pop right now after not having it for 7 months.  I would imagine it would be too sweet as even lemonaide is very sweet to me now

I have continued my walking within the building here at work all week and I am trying to find ways to add extra steps to the normal amount I walk.  I have now started to walk even on my break which gives me 4 different times of the day that I step away from my desk and get some exercise.  I was hoping to be able to purchase a pedometer this past weekend but..well the money just wasnt there so maybe next paycheck I can buy it.  I would really love to know just how many steps I am taking each day and a pedometer would do that for me.  My doctor is recommending 10K steps per day and it would be cool to know just how close I am to that goal. (Not very close I am sure but getting there!)

Well there is the update and I promise I will not go 4 days without a update again.  I do promise to try and eat right and push myself with the exercise even though my knees are screaming as I sit and write this but I need to push on.   Hopefully this hard work will pay off in the long run.

January 6

I will be updating thisblog when I get home tonight. So sit tight..I am not cheating and gorging on everything in sight.

January 2nd….its an official start now!

New years eve came and went with a blur and midnight found Sharon and myself at church with about 20 other people welcoming in  the new year why thanking God above for what he gave us in the old year.  I mentioned to Sharon that this is probably the 1st new years eve in recent memory where I did not curse the old year and looked with great anticipation the new one.  2008 has given me some great memories such as the surgery and weight loss I started.  But 2008 has given us a new daughter that we knew we had but never met before,  A new grandson  giving us 2 total grandchldren now as well as many other decent memories.  2009 will find me continuing to lose more weight and hopefully at the end of this year I will have lost nearly 150 total pounds since starting my journey.  I am also starting  college at the age of 45 at a real university and not the local junior college and hopefully we will do some traveling to see the grandkids and take in some other sights along the way.  I have high hopes for this year and will have to work my tail off to make sure they come true.

As noted earlier, yesterday officially started the 60 in 60 challenge I issued to myself.  I didnt blog anything yesterday because, well to be honest it was a lazy day.  Since we were basically broke we went nowhere and did nothing.  We didnt have anything at home to really munch on so eating wrong was not a issue for me.  Thankfully today is payday and before I went to work I was able to run to the store and endure the nasty stares or the deli ladies at the local Piggly Wiggly as I asked them to slice me a pound of smoked turkey.  Being the 1st customer in the doors after a holiday I guess makes the employees a little edgey and to be honest I was edgy too because I just didnt want to go to work.  I was able to make some healthy purchases but totally forget the salad mix I planned on getting for lunch.  I was in a hurry, what can I say. I even had the salad dressing at home sitting in a little container ready for me to toss it into my lunch bag. Oh well, it will be there tonight after we do some shopping.

 So here is my menu for the day so far.  I promise to update this blog later today.

Breakfast………Yoplait low fat yougurt.  100 calories

Lunch…….Smoked turkey sandwich with a very small amount of mayo for taste and mustard as well.  toss in some seasonings like onion and garlic powder made this sandwich really good.  Also had a small serving of potatoe chips since I forgot the salad.

So far so good for the day.  I have also done my normal walking and plan on buying a pedometer tomorrow so I can be accurate when I say how much I have walked for the day.  Time to get back to work and as I mentioned I will update this blog later today.