I think a sleep study brings new meaning to the term “wired”.
I arrived at the sleep center only to find that the rooms they have set up for these studies are very much like hotel rooms only without the continental breakfast. I was quickly wired up with so many wires I felt like a lab rat. Wires to my legs to measure restless leg syndrome. Wires to various parts of my head to measure brain waves. Wires to my chest for aEKG heart monitor, A oxygen sensor on my finger and more wires under my nose, next to my eyes and various other body locations. It was explained to me that these wires were there to measure body reactions while sleeping. The technician was would be able to measure my eyes movements as well as pretty much everything else I did during the night. While laying in bed trying to sleep with all these wires attached I could only wonder if they would hear me pass gas during the night and give me a electrical shock like a run away dog with a electrical collar on.
I eventually fell asleep but it was a restless sleep. I did not feel like I ever really had a chance to doze off but 3 hours later my technician came in and informed me it was “time for the mask”. I knew what she meant and I had been prepared for this moment but still something inside of me made me want to rip out the wires and run like a sissy out the doors of the clinic.
The mask she referred to is a C-PAP mask and it gets placed normally over your nose and it gently blows air into your nose keeping any obstructions out of your airway as you sleep. Now Imagine all the wires that were previously attached to my body being joined by a mask with a large air hose that would make any Top Gun pilot jeolous. With this mask now being attached to my face I was now supposed to sleep better than the previous few hours. After tossing and turning and trying various masks I had settled on one that was the most comfortable. Using this mask was like breathing through a straw on a hot summer day under a blanket. I struggled with it so much I even had claustrophobic feelings as I lay there trying to get to sleep.
At 4 am i sat on the edge of the bed and since I was being filmed on camera the technician soon appeared. I informed her that I was too wide awake to go back to sleep and that I needed to have everything removed as soon as possible. Just as slowly as every wire was placed on me they came off just as slow. It seemed my technician took great joy in the slow removal of all the tape and electrode connections as my skin got ripped away with the tape. It was not soon after that I ran my hand through my hair and realized that the brain wave electrodes they put on my head were also coated with a substance that had a consistancy of butter and I had globs of it in my hair.
I left the clinic at almost 5 am and drove the 1 and a half hours home. I was wide awake during the drive and thoughts of things to do with the rest of my day ran through my head. I got home and kneeled on the bed to say hello to my wife and next thing I knew it was 5 pm and I was just waking up from a rest that was well needed after a night of being studied while I slept.
